Four weeks

Submitted by WhiteRabbit on
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I'm now on four weeks, and the past 7 days have been one of highs and lows: all pretty much expected in a reboot, I guess. Today I've been feeling horribly low, for most of the day. Low, and quite lonely. Fortunately - or perhaps "not-fortunately", to be honest I don't really care, I'm just sort of glad for my reboot - I'm not feeling any pull from porn at the moment, none at all. This used to be my outlet, and to have no desire for that is ... different. That's the least I can say; and it is a surprise.

I've been keeping up with the fitness work - running every other day, weights (mainly pushups, chinups - that don't require any equipment - and I think it's helping with the confidence. So that's a positive.

There's also a real desire now to connect with others. Plus, I've rediscovered a "need", if I may say, to be intimiate with a woman. Not neediness, if you understand, but a need to connect; someone to spent time with. In the past I've kind of rejected this feeling as weak, or perhaps I would just supress it with porn; but I'm beginning to embrace it, as of these past few days. It makes me feel wretched. But in an odd way, it's feels ..appropriate, and comforting; as though I am accepting myself, embracing my feelings.

I hope some luck goes my way in this regard.

P.S. New design Marnia? Looks nice.

Comments

the need to connect

is a great sign. The more you can connect, first just socially then hopefully on a physical level, with a real connection that leads to physical affection, the better. Great progress. It's natural to feel very conflicted and huge ups and downs during this time. Just continue doing what you're doing and don't try to "test" things out.

Some lows are normal

And desiring a mate is healthy for most humans. Did you read this post? Guys: Where Do You Fall on the Monogamy Spectrum?

The idea that orgasms should be enough for human fulfillment is an historical accident...brought to us by a group of sexologists (many of whom were not in healthy relationships) who were so bent on convincing us that orgasm is a good thing...that they threw the "bonding baby" (study of human pair bonding) out with the guilt and shame.

I think humanity is going to be rethinking this one...now that many of us have run the "let's go for orgasm" flag up the flagpole so high that we dysregulated our reward circuitry. surprise

Thanks ksaver and emerson. It

Thanks ksaver and emerson. It seems crazy, but it's as though my priorities have switched over the past few days. I used to have to force myself to socialise, and using the internet etc. was just a normal part of my day. Now, I feel earnest need to connect with others, and have what is slowly becoming a strong dislike for the internet.

Granted, it has taken long enough to get to this stage :). And there's still a long way to go...

I appreciate your kind words guys. Hope you're both keeping strong.

Day 35 update.

Day 35 update.

Well, I'd hate to jinx this. So I am just talking hypothetically, touch wood, &c.&c. But I think I've slowly becoming totally convinced about rebooting! No offence to anyone, that's you Marnia and Gary, but you really have to see improvements yourself to know that porn is actually the case.

I'll do a proper weekly update on Monday; but just wanted to say thanks for helping me out so far :)