Is it just me or do I feel more drained when I fall off of my recovery path than normal? I'm not usually depressed but now that I've been working on getting rid of PMO my body has reacted by being depressed and lethargic! This is one hard tunnel to get through! Have other people found that their mood swings a lot more when they're in recovery mode?
It happened. The backlash against this mental resetting won last Friday night and my days have not been the same lately. Come two days later I binge on everything I shouldn't be doing. This was after 3 weeks of total abstinence which I'm very proud off, but obviously I still feel I need to get to the other side.
That never fails."
I found this quote in a book today and I found it to be inspiring. I'm on day 14 and I'm .... Me. Not some groveling idiot with all these personality defects or someone living in disillusionment. I feel that I know myself better and I've learned to put my addiction in perspective.
I think I got a bit too excited about the future yesterday that I couldn't fall asleep. I went to work with two hours worth of sleep and managed to get through it just fine. As I was driving home, I also became excited to share my thoughts with other people on this blog. It's surprising that I find this so therapeutic.
The topic of sexuality for myself has always been clouded in mystery. I grew up with a father who was a recluse, single and never ever was with a woman. I don't even know how I exist. He NEVER socialized with anyone and was and is a disinteresting fellow. I love him, but he's still nuts. He's off balance and so am I.