Day 112- Communication and feelings of rejection

Submitted by woody0294 on
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Day 112

After struggling to deal with feelings of rejection from my spouse over sex and other issues, I decided to broach the topic this past weekend after having received encouragement to do so from this group. Prior to talking to her, I read a couple of books on how to better communicate with a spouse in a non judgmental way which were also key to success. While I was quite afraid to bring up the topic, I was tired of feeling the pain. Thankfully numbing it with PMO was off the table. T

All I can say is WOW! Why did I wait so long to get my feelings on the table? We had the most awesome conversation and opened the door. I told her honestly that I loved her more than anything and that I realized I could withdraw and be a real jerk. I told her I was done acting that way and committed to be an open, empathetic and honest communicator. I was greeted with kindness, understanding and relief on her part. We are connected now in new far more satisfying way. In fact, we are doing a study together on improving our marriage and communication.

Looking back, Reboot was Step 1 for me. I am now into Step 2 which for me is as essential as the reboot. The two were connected for me like a very powerful vicious cycle: feeling rejected, numb the pain with PMO, feeling guilty, numb the pain with PMO, withdrawal, feeling rejected....rinse and repeat.

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I'm so thrilled for you

Great going. What a wonderful thing, that you can communicate with your partner and have a stronger connection. If you decide to go non-orgasmic and you pursue a lot of bonding behaviors, as I think you were thinking of doing (or already are doing?) things get really, really amazing. Even more amazing.

Hey - one more question...

Hey - one more question...

I was reading your posts and was like WOW you and I are going through a lot of similar stuff in terms of realization...I found the Work of Byron Katie, Meditation and the whole reintegration of my body and mind similar to some of you posts.

I've been a little skeptical of Karezza but now am intrigued. My first question is how do you get over the blue balls of no orgasm? I feel like mine would be so sore that I would be physically sick.

Woody

avoiding blue balls

it's really simple. My journey was that I would practice vigorous "regular" sex but stay away from orgasm. Kind of edging. And that caused blue balls. I poured cold water on my genitals right away and that helped.

But that was only for the early phase. Then I learned relaxation.

I started to practice relaxation sex. I consciously relax my pelvic floor. When I thrust I do so very gently with almost no movement quite often and I relax that pelvic floor.

No more blue balls. And this is much nicer and more sublime than the sensations from the more energetic type of edgy sex I started with.

 

and please ask anything you want

I'm very early in this Karezza adventure but I've already taken to it very strongly and I'm a huge enthusiast. We have some really smart and amazingly helpful folks here who can answer much better than I can. Just select "Karezza" as the topic and you'll get much better answers than mine.

Thanks Marnia,

Thanks Marnia,

You and the group are like a light in the darkness. I can't thank everyone enough for the support. Honestly there is no one I know who I would trust with all the information I have put out on this blog. Getting the support and feedback has been key to my healing.

Woody

Believe me, I can relate

I went through a similar "brain warp" when I began figuring out that the standard sex advice just left me cranky...no matter how many orgasms I engineered.

Just keep exploring. There's paydirt there.