wanting to try karezza

Submitted by XPornHead30 on
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Hello everyone. This is my first karezza blog. A brief background on me first. I originally came to this site via the porn addiction route, so I have been involved in the rebalancing/rebooting section. I was a heavy porn user/ overmasturbater and had all of the associated problems. I went through a long reboot process (over 150 days) and have basically transformed my sexuality. I have been dating this girl for about 5 months now and the sex has been fantastic. It has been, of course, conventional sex and I want to start doing karezza first because I believe that it is worth while and secondly I can already feel the Coolidge effect intruding on our relationship and my basic mood in general.
Also for the first time in months, I am having a stretch of days where I dont have any morning erections, I think its going on a week now. I have recently switched to night shift work and my sleep patterns are pretty screwy. I just have been feeling that I am low on dopamine/have raised my dopamine threshold lately.

I don't ever really masturbate, since I have been sexually active with my girlfriend. We are in a semi-long distance reltionship and we usually get to be together for 4 to 6 day stretches every couple weeks. We have been having a lot of frequent vigorous sex, doing it up to 5 times in a day sometimes. Very few times have I been able to withold ejaculation, though I am able to last long enough for her to come about half the times. No erectile problems to speak of in general. However, I have lately been feeling less arousable and slightly less drawn to her and I know it has nothing to do with her. Also I must mention that we have a great relationship and have both professed our love for one another. I love her and I don't want a mediocre love relationship. The reboot process taught me that I don't need orgasm the way I thought I did. I have mentioned karezza to her and she wants to try it. I guess I am a bit nervous because I have never actually tried it before. We have experimented with things like me licking her breasts and her gently stroking my erection ( I though it was amazing), but I have never tried karezza-type intercourse and i feel like I will need a lot of practice. I would love to have a sex life that didn't leave either of us feeling drained afteward and is geared toward bonding and lovemaking instead of orgasm and I am pretty sure she is on board. I don't know if either of us is ready to give up orgasmic sex entirely, but that may not be necessary. Anyway, any suggestion for beginners is welcome.

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I'm really glad to hear that you two

are still trying to work things out to find balance.

I think karezza is tougher when you can't sleep together most nights. A real charge builds up while you're away from each other. My suggestion is that the first night you see each other either focus on bonding behaviors (exclusively), or only have sex without moving much in a position like "bridge" or "scissors." Otherwise, it'll probably be business a usual. Wink

It's pretty easy

Have sex whatever way you want. Just don't get yourself (and your partner, if she wants to practice karezza also) so close to the edge that you fall off and have an orgasm, or get so aroused that you lose your self-control and feel compelled to go for an orgasm, or you have to clamp down with your PC muscles to prevent ejaculation.

The first few weeks or months, you will probably need to learn where that edge is, and how close you can safely get to it.

Actually, there seems to be a couple of ways to do karezza. One way is to move a moderate amount and maintain a medium level of arousal/erection and sensation. See http://www.reuniting.info/blogs/sood/%E2%99%A5-twenty-five for some descriptions of this style. That has been my style as well.

Another way is to move very little. This is described by Dianne Richardson in her Tantric Sex books. That style is a sort of meditation. An erection is not even needed; Dianne speaks of "soft entry." Here is a recent post that seems to describe this style. http://www.reuniting.info/blogs/kevinj/life-juice

Marnia thinks that missionary and rear entry (spooning) positions are too stimulating, too difficult to maintain control. That hasn't been my experience. I use the same positions for karezza as I used previously for conventional sex - mostly missionary and rear entry. Scissors position does have the advantage that I can stay inside even without an erection; with other positions I fall out if I lose my erection. But I enjoy lots of skin-to-skin contact with my wife, especially on my chest. With the scissors position, the amount of skin contact is much more limited.

I agree with Marnia about focusing on the bonding behaviors and not being in a rush to have sex when you first see each other. See ♥Just bonding behaviors when starting or healing a relationship.

Wishing you a wonderful journey into karezza!

Thank you both for the

Thank you both for the suggestions. I cant guarantee that I wont fall into "business as usual" this next time seeing as how we havent seen eachother in over two weeks and there will be a lot of intense feelings for both of us. As I don't masturbate these days, I havent O'd since the last time I was with her which usually makes it very hard not to orgasm from just being inside her alone. Over the 5 days that we are about to spend together, I will try to at least do some karezza if we don't completely focus on it. I can definitely see how karezza would work better for two people that either lived together or got to be alone together more often. If the relationship continues to go well, I'm sure that will start having more time to spend together in the near future! :)

you're very perceptive

Noticing how you feel afterwards is very helpful. You can store this memory and use it to your advantage as you go along. If I remember how I felt later, and it wasn't the best feeling, that can help me govern my behavior in the present so I assure a more pleasant outcome.

I think about the wonderful feelings all during the day when we have intercourse in the morning or the night before (or both). It's a great way to go through the day.

I don't know how you can do this when you are away from each other quite a bit. I think you can do it though. And it is very rewarding. It is far, far more rewarding than typical hot sex, at least in my experience.

One thing is, it has to evolve. You can try it out, and it will be very very rewarding no matter at what level. No reason to ever get frustrated or upset if you have an orgasm. That's great too. You just keep at it.

It probably helps if you do a lot of bonding first, when you get back together, instead of going to intercourse right away. That helps a great deal, making intercourse more pleasurable and making it easier to not orgasm. The more bonding, the better and easier it all becomes, and the more profound.

And even if you sometimes avoid an orgasm, that's progress.

We do missionary and cowgirl routinely without orgasms. Sometimes she gets on top of me and we just cuddle. It took her awhile to trust me and herself that getting on top didn't mean I'd enter her or expect to. So now when she just wants hugs sometimes she gets on top of me and we hug and cuddle that way without intercourse.

We've tried scissors and it's okay but nothing special for us. And rear entry spooning is very, very nice at times but we like to be able to look into each other's eyes and kiss.

One thing that has helped me: focus on yourself, your own sensations, rather than her arousal and sex talk and things that are designed to arouse her. A big difference here is that you aren't trying to arouse your partner to orgasm, and the more you focus on your own self (the root of the penis and filling her with your masculine energy, for lack of a better way to put it) the more pleasure she will get out of it and the more rewarding, without necessarily having an orgasm.

Point is, there are no rules really. But the more you can avoid orgasms, and the more bonding you can do, the better. It's just that simple really. The rest evolves on its own.