Wore out my GF - CURED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Submitted by XPornHead30 on
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My hard work has finally paid off. After 3 weeks of no MO, and minimal F (I think no P is a given for me at this point), I finally got to be with my girlfriend for a 5 day stretch off of work. It actually started off kind of crappy because I was very late getting there and kind of stood her up with her friends at a restaurante. It's a long story and it had to do with a huge miscommunication blunder at the last minute on the day that I left. Anyhow, I was alreay a little nervous because that's me before sex, especially after having so little success lately. On top of that I was in the dog house right off the bat - not exactly how we were expecting the visit to begin. Anyhow, I was able to smooth things over through much apology and offering to make it up to her and her friends as soon as possible.

I guess Ill cut to the chase. I cant really account for how many times we had sex, or how much time we spent having sex over the last 5 days, but it was enough to completely wear out my 21 yo girlfriend who has a sexual appetite that is downright intimidating (Im 31). It started out kind of clunky. The first night I PE'd once after about 20 seconds, and then again about 15 minutes later after about 2 minutes. I finished her off with oral. The next morning we had sex and I went for about 5 minutes. After breakfast we had sex again and I lasted for about 5 minutes again. About 20 minutes later we had sex again and this time I lasted for about 30 minutes and she came multiple times. I actually stopped that time when she said she was done and I was content not to finish (I would like to get the hang of non-orgasmic sex eventually). That night she said she was tired and we were not having sex and I said fine but we ended up having sex again and I came after a few minutes, which I think resulted from having not climaxed earlier. Finished her off with oral again.

The next day she left to go to school before I got up. Woke up with a mad erection by the way. She came back from school and we went hiking all day. Came home and had sex twice. The second time I lasted for a long time - enough for her to climax. She left early again the next day and I wouldn't see her until much later. We finally went for a day without sex, which I think we both needed. The final day we were charge up again - at least twice in the morning (the latest time lasting about 30 minutes causing her to orgasm) and twice again when we got back home from another hike. The last time was interrupted after about 40 minutes when the mattress was shaken off the support beams. I had to get back home and we were both content to call it quits at that point.

Let me add that our relationship is NOT all about sex and we had a fantastic time doing other things such as watching movies, cooking, hiking, going shopping etc. And I don't believe the sex would have been so frequent and fantastic if we didn't truly like eachother and/or were obsessed with sex.

Anyhow, though I failed miserably in my attemt at non-orgasmic sex, I succeeded quite well with standard sex and actually feel pretty good after not climaxing the last time. On the down-side, all the sexual activity and orgasm, mixed with some significant seasonal allergies rendered me virtually unable to sleep during all of this time. So I am quite fatigued.

In a nutshell, it has been well over 150 days since I began the reboot. Started M'ing after about 85 days at a low frequency. Cut out M entirely for about a month (last month). Had some PE problems earlier this month. Continued to abstain from MO and F. Now I believe my brain has wired sufficiently to real sex and my body is finally preforming at a satisfactory level. Hang in there guys and please don't give up. This stuff WORKS! Believe it. I am continuing to try to slow things down so that I can last long without orgasm and have sex many times without O. Its a long road ahead, but very enjoyable one! Stay strong!

Comments

Bravo!

I'm really proud of you for sticking with it. It's hard to switch to non-orgasmic in a new relationship unless you take a really slow, structured approach. The right time will arrive.

Hope you get some rest.

Thank you as always. Yeah I

Thank you as always. Yeah I'm not really in a super rush on the non-orgasmic thing, I just want things to work out and I am all too aware of the power of the Coolidge Effect. After this new sexual awakening, I have found potential novel mates increasingly enticing and I know that it has nothing to do with my feelings for my girlfriend. She's terriffic!

Wow that's great! Truly

Wow that's great! Truly inspirational. After you abstained for a month, did you feel like you were ready to have sex? You also mentioned that you are nervous before sex. I also have alot of anxiety and can't seem to shake it. How do you perform when you have anxiety?

For me, battling anxiety has

For me, battling anxiety has led me to make some key lifestyle changes. The better you are at controlling anxiety in general, the better you will be at controlling anxiety surrounding sex. One very interesting discovery that I have made during my quest is the link between fantasy and anxiety. Anxiety is usually caused by unwarrented fears or feelings of foreboding. And here's the real key - unwarrented fear is nothing more than the product of fantasy run amok, malignant fantasy, truly the worst kind. I learned this after realizing that the more I stepped out of the world of fantasy and into the PRESENT moment, the less anxiety I felt. Honestly all anxiety is basically the same. So anyhow, it obviously takes a lot of practice and I would say the best thing by far is daily meditation. Something where you focus on your breathing and your posture and the flow of energy through your body in place of focusing on the past, future or any thoughts about things that arent NOW. Eventually (It took me months) you will start to notice that you are retraining you mind to focus on the present even when you are not meditating. So, in regards to performance anxiety, if it is occuring before sex is happening (even minutes before) I tell myself that I am not having sex now and there is no point in dwelling on something that is not happening now. I ask myself "What am i doing now?" and focus on becoming immeresed in what is happening in the present. Its kind of like you just put off worrying until later and, before you know it, you just had great sex and you realize that you just forgot to worry. However, all that being said, the anxiety will probably still rear its ugly head sometimes and you will just have to relax with your partner until its goes away. I do believe that if you could perfect the methods that I have described (for the record none of these ideas are originally mine save the link between fantasy and anxiety which may have been discovered by others) i don't see how performance anxiety could ever exist for you.

Honestly I don't know. My

Honestly I don't know. My plan lately has been to not masturbate and fully abstain between visits with my GF. We started out seeing eachother about once a month for the first two months so abstaining was really difficult. I found I was having a lot of wet dreams though, some that made me ejaculate, so my body was taking care of business to some degree. It is possible that abstaining from MO for long periods before sexual opportunities explains my tendency to PE and my prodigious amount of discharge and my ability to ejaculate frequently on the rare days when I actually do get to have sex. Maybe the primitive brain processes the lack of sex as me being an unsuccessful beta who must quickly impregnate the females before the big silverback finds out whats going on lol! Whatever the case, I think that the body can adjust to whatever pattern you subject it to, given enough time. I think thats how couples that have great relationships eventually manage to find a compatible rhythm and flow together. I guess I'm kind of rambling. I am horny but I really don't feel like masturbating if that makes any sense. I am starting to think that M without F may be something I master after many more episodes of real sex. Eventually, and I do mean eventually, I believe that in the absence of any real sex, the ideal masturbation frequency for me would be somewhere in between once every two weeks to twice a week. Of course minimal to no fantasy. But im in no rush to figure that out. Still on the abstinence between real sex opportunities thing and Im sure that my opportunities are going to be far more frequent with my GF in the near future :) This concludes my rediculously complex and long-winded response to your very simple and concise question.

great to hear your success!

great to hear your success! Ive tried searching the site for your initial posts but cant seem to figure it out. Could you recap what your initial problem was? How much porn, masturbating, how long, how old are you etc. Or a link to where you explain it would be great. THanks

I mentioned in my initial

I mentioned in my initial post that I had been a heavy porn user for at least 10 years. I mentioned that I considered the problem having culmonated when I was with a beautiful woman (for the first time in about 2 years) and I had sex that was very unpleasureable for me. I was unable to ejaculate with her and basically went straight to porn for my release that night. I guess my posts havent been to elaborative on my previous problems with sex. I have just said that I had porn induced ED / sexual dysfunction and left it at that. In truth there are many more accounts of me having reduced sexual sensitivity and, many times, a complete lack of sexual response in situations where I should have been rock hard. I know I have touched on this but I will restate that my sexual history was basically good until my late 20s where I found that I was far less aroused in sexual situations and had started to become far more interested in internet porn than in real sex. I usually would play it off by saying it was because internet porn doesn't talk back or that its so much easier than going through the courtship process. There are many other accounts in my late 20s of me being in bed with gorgeous women and not being able to preform. Its not like I was utterly unable though. I suppose I caught the problem before it progressed to total impotence so I am better off than some. I can tell you that in my late 20's, morning and spontaneous erections were things of the past, as were, for the most part, make-out or visually induced erections. I just figured that I had to use my hand and my fantasy as the primary tools for arousal in sexual situations and why not. My sensitivity continued to decrease however and the experience that I had, mentioned above, was when I started to think that maybe porn was the problem (preferring it to the real thing). That was before I knew about this site.

question

I am in my late twenties. I am surrounded my females in the early 20s. Any advice on interacting with them? I am not so focused on establishing a relationship since I am rebooting. But I definitely need some female interaction.

Hey! I don't know your

Hey! I don't know your situation, such as where exactly you are surrounded by women - work, school the book store etc. But I can say that their is a point during the reboot at which female interaction becomes vital. I won't say that you couldn't reboot if you were stranded on a desert island, but it would make it very difficult. Interaction with real females helps you not get sucked into fantasy and allows your brain to rewire more efficiently to real sex. If you have been out of the game for a long time, I would start slow. Just make small talk even. Eye contact is crucial. From the reboot perspective, I found that staring at their asses and tits and thinking about what I wanted to do to them actually set me back. I suggest that you try to focus on the eyes exclusively if you are talking to them. Most women will like you more right off the cuff if you dont constantly stare at the goods anyway. If you see an attractive woman walk by and there is no eye contact, I would allow yourself to notice her body, but don't do a double-take or even dwell on it, just let it pass and stay in the present moment. I found that going out to bars, and night spots alone actually was quite helpful during the reboot. When you are not intending to bring a girl home, its not so bad when you go home empty-handed. Don't overdo it though. Part of the reboot process is simply reestablishing your sensitivity to sexual cues. I noticed that sometimes during my reboot, getting around too many hotties day after day, night after night actually caused me to be more numb and I lost my morning erections. Eventually, as I healed further, I was more resilient and it didn't matter so much.

In short, I would say just interact and don't overdo it or act desparate. Don't act like a creep gazing into women's faces as they walk by or anything. Notice, but don't obsess. Above all, don't worry. The real key here is that staying away from porn alone will eventually produce the results you want. Everything else is just to potentially expedite the process.