11 months report of nofap and improving (sex) life

Submitted by youngoldie on
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Hi there,

the 11th month of my not-fap-to-porn quest is nearly finished, so I have to make some report.

In general, there is an up and down in mood and performance, but through the lenght of time the trend is upward. Here are several topics of my life and how I'm developing there.

PMO:
I have not returned to that habit. But out of curiosity I wanted to know how it is and about two months ago I made a test: Watching a tasteful erotic clip and masturbating to it. (about 10 minutes). Result: Not worth the fuzz. Few days later the same with watching about one hour and then masturbating. Somehow disapointing. No big feelings, just a short, somehow aching sensation. As this were the only occasions, it was planned and I did not binge, I do not consider them as a relapse. And they were the only occasions within the twelve months.

ED:
Despite the fact, that I had sucessful sex about one month after starting nofap, there were occasions when the johnson didn't work properly, especially when I drunk some alcohol, ate too much and when I was tired. But it went better and better. There was some performance axiey and sometimes a communication gap with my wife how to get Mr Johnson started. The last month or so there was no problem and we had sex quite often.

Watching nude pics and erotic material:
Yes I do it and sometimes too much. But no or very few arousal, and no fapping. Seems to be sort of killing time, or looking for something which is not there (or, lets say I'm only searching for natural, beatiful images and soft and loving scenes). On other time I do the same thing with information websites, with even more use of time. During my rebooting time I did the same with YBR, I suppose. Seems to belong to the procrastination department. It seems that my approach not to aim for orgasm has made PMO meanigless, even if the pics and clips are interesting.

Many guys say that watching porn will never be possible for them. For me there was always the question how a normal un-addicted Person can handle porn & cie. Seems it is alway about decisions: To decide to stop at a certain point, not to use it excessively, and to decide what to watch.

Masturbation:
I had some masturbation tests, looking If I'm back to normal:
Am I able to M without pics or fantasy? Yes very easy within few minutes staring to the ceiling.
How long do I need to ejaculate when the penis is hard? 20 seconds.
How long do I need to ejaculate starting with a soft penis? 45 seconds.
How much semen can I produce? As much as when I was young.
When do I ejaculate the most creamy semen? After a certain period of arousal or slow sex, or during the second ejaculation after a very quick M.
Okay, I did this not at one time, and it was about five or six times within the whole 11 months. And it was without porn and fantasy.

But I fondle my penis here and there and I enjoy all the fine sensations, when it is not really hard. It seems it gets more sensitive and I start to enjoy even sex without having a real hard one. Here again: As I have no aim to get an orgasm, touching the penis and feeling the sensations, doesn't lead to MO or PMO.

Sex with my wife:
We were trying to have a baby, so orgasms were necessary. But there were hangovers. Very subtle, but I had a low overall performance in dayly matters and I had fears and felt needy. My wife had no interest in sex one to two weeks and a kind of bitchyness. After that sex even several times a day for some days and then a break again. So we decided to make a three weeks test without O. I'm now two and a half week without O, my wife six days. It seems I can bear the difficulties of live very well at the moment. My wife has no need of sex or even too much touch. It is said that after two weeks the hangover is gone so we will see how my wife will be in about ten days.

Im now much more daring in normal life issues and with sex as well. I have a nealy stiff ankle and couldn't walk very much. But last weekend I asked my wife to make a walk into the mountains. We lost the way and came into an area with nobody around. At a certain time we were talking how it would be to make sex in the forest montains. And how to do it technically. Sort of funny sexy talking, or dreaming from things you never dare to do. Then we came to an old sone quarry, with cliffs falling down to a grassy valley. And there we found a soft, mossy place on top of the cliffs, surrounded by small trees. And there we decided to make love. I was somhow natural. disposing some clothes to get a matress, and then cuddling and connecting. Slow karezza sex under a warm septemer sun. Wonderful experince, had never thought that we were able to do something like that. And we had lots of sex before on this weekend. I think this will be something we will never forget.

I will close with the drawbacks: From time to time I use too much alcohol. Still there is procrastination around. Coffe comsumptin has increased, but not to the level before, and with no negative effects, as it seems. Still using food to fill gaps in my mind and my body. Okay, I'll work on these issues.

So carry on, stay strong and never give up trying!

Topic:

Comments

You know what?

You're a beast, bro! I ,too, would like to slam a beautiful lady, outside.

I am on 29 days no fap and I hope to go on long enough to inspire others plagued by dysfunction. Youda man.

Lovely story

about the outdoor lovemaking. Thanks for sharing.

Online erotica use: Just remember that its effects can be subtle and hard to pinpoint, but decreased motivation is one way it seems to affect a lot of users. Even if you can control your use, it may not be your friend. Keep experimenting with several weeks off in between use. That's the way to find out if it's affecting you adversely, or not.

Two things to add

About watching nudity:

For me it's in the same category as killing time by browsing the internet for interesting things. It can be addictive, or at least leading to use more time as intented. Somehow like searching something which is not there. Or trying to fill empty places in my life. As I did with alcohol, coffee, overeating, smoking, etc. I think all that can be used in a controlled way here and there. If one does it daily, he should think about it (and I should do that indeed). And surely for rebooters it will have negative effects. The difference for me is that I did it for arousal, now its more curisosity. And I find a lot of it disgusting or I think: This woman shouldn't do that or pose in this way.

One aspect for me is the question what to recommend young guys. (I have three sons around puberty).To tell them not to watch something is no good idea. Is it possible to learn how to control the use of it? Or giving them the idea of not to fap to it? Or even to have a non-orgasmic life as a single? When I fapped regularely, I couldn't even think to talk with them about it (I blushed inside). Now I think about it. Possibly there could be a website which discusses such issues for young guys, but I don't konw such one in German.

But really, emerson and marnia, I think about making a test how it is without watching erotica.

About orgasms:

My wife had her ovulation time, so we made two trials again. I tried to have the orgasm in a very relaxed way. Not heating up, but just moving enough to let it happen in a relaxed way. As we knew there are some influences, we were somehow prepared for it. And I had the idea not to depend on sex, but to have other private time to comfort and relax each other. So we had now some sex-less days with talking, massaging, cuddling and reading some pages from Diana Richardson's books to my wife. Funny thing to feel like a neutrum. As my wife can't resist to have an orgasm when I have one, it seems now the same time for her without needs to have sex.

Yes and the orgasms seem not to influence my everyday performance. I start to engage more in social matters like working in the parents concil of the schools of my kids, and singing in choirs. Even my everyday work is going on well. And I do a lot of projects and activities together with my wife. Before there was always a lot of arguing, but now I seem to endure nagging from my wife or find ways to avoid such situations.

I wish you lived in my town

The chorus I sing in always needs men. Wink

Definitely talk to your sons. Consider showing them Gary's talk - which now, finally, has German subtitles: TEDxGlasgow - Gary Wilson - The Great Porn Experiment - YouTube It's just 16-minutes long and it won't be too far over their heads.

There's also a German site that a young guy is building: http://www.pornos-oder-leben.de/

Actually, there's not as much difference as you think between viewing erotica for arousal and viewing it for curiosity (novelty). Both are dopamine driven habits, even if the second is a milder version. Keep in mind that cigarettes are a milder drug than heroin, but smoking hooks a much higher percentage of those who try it.

That said, it's great to hear that your marriage and life are going well. That is the true test of your choices.

BTW, when I asked fathers (who were themselves recovering from porn excess) on different forums what they would do about kids they routinely advised taking steps to limit and monitor youngsters' access:

  • Insist on computer use in public areas of the house.
  • Turn off online access between __ pm and morning.
  • Install porn filters on all online devices, including smartphones.
  • Install tracking software on any device with online access, so you can periodically review which sites your child is visiting.
  • Some also recommended no smartphones for kids.

The dads' instincts are good. Most troubled users say their porn use reached risky levels after they got their own laptop or smartphone, or after they could use a computer unsupervised in their bedroom, or, at the latest, after they left home for school.

These dads also emphasized the importance of being willing to give children honest, age-appropriate answers to sexual questions, without making them ashamed of their desire to know more about sex.

According to a Canadian researcher, boys are accessing porn on average at age 10, before puberty. Don't delay. They may already know more about the subject than you do...and really need some guidance.

I have plenty more suggestions, if you want them because I have been collecting a lot of material on this lately.

Addiction

My sons are grown up and past the age where I can advise them of anything; but I'm beginning to worry about my grandsons! The problem seems to be that the smartphones, or tablets, kids routinely have nowadays, usually come with a contract. That means, they can access the internet with impunity, whether or not they're at home. Controls could be added to their phone or tablet, prior to them being given it, but I suspect kids of today might know how to get around that.

It does seem bizarre that there should be watersheds for content on TV, guidance for films, but nothing for the internet. Double standards doesn't begin to describe it. Just recently, a model, nude from the waist up, appeared on a current affairs programme on British TV, demonstrating how to check for breast abnormalities; and the 'watchdog' was inundated with complaints from parents concerned their children might have been traumatised.

I have a related problem myself. I'm not addicted to porn but I am becoming addicted to the internet. This has got worse since I acquired an iPad. I bought it for reading, writing and drawing. It excels as a medium for all three, and I am ecstatic that I am alive at a time when such a device exists. However, whenever I use it, I invariably check the weather first, and then the news. Inevitably, this reveals some items of interest, which ensures my work is delayed. Often, the tangent I go off on necessitates a google search. This can lead to innumerable web pages open at once, which I scan avidly.

Eventually, I remember my original intention, and shut my browser down. Amazingly, I may then feel the need to check the news and weather again. After all, I have dedicated apps for this, and they are only a finger touch away. As I check, I remember I have another app that tells me what the weather is like in all the places in the world I would quite like to live. I click on that as well, just to experience the mildly discomforting feeling I get from knowing I might be better off somewhere else.

Finally, I return to my intended task. Increasingly, though, it is becoming a rare occurrence for me to manage to read more than a few pages of anything, or write or draw for any meaningful length of time, before stray thoughts come into my mind. Maybe they always did this, and I shrugged them off, as they usually demanded a separate line of enquiry that it was too inconvenient to follow. However, with the world's reference library at my fingertips, it is a matter of a moment to satisfy the nagging demand to know.

Except it isn't a 'matter of a moment'. Perhaps an hour later, after I have discovered the answer, and a lot more besides, and having checked the news and weather again, I come to myself with a start and remember what I was doing. I return to my task, almost heavy hearted at having to abandon the delights of an otherworld that has answers for every question, an open cast mine of information on every subject under the sun.

It is only a matter of time before the cycle begins again, as I appear to be addicted to being online. I don't have any particular goal there, beyond an insatiable appetite for information. My facebook account is moribund, I'm not an especially active member of any forum; but nevertheless I need help. I have a head start in that at least I can see I have a problem; but will power is not enough. I am much too easily distracted. I need 'parental control' for a (grand)parent!

Well thanks for taking a time out

to enlighten us.

Not surprisingly, there are already dozens of brain and other studies, which affirm that Internet addiction is entirely real. I am happy to supply links, but they will chew up hours for sure!

You probably know from our book that novelty and violation of expectations supply dopamine hits, which can be very addictive even if they are (relatively) small. It's not your imagination that you're hooked. Here's a short article that gets at the issue: Recent Internet Addiction Studies Include Porn | Psychology Today

About 10 days away from the Internet might enough to reset your brain so you can start all over again. Wink

Personally, I don't want a smartphone.

Yes, grandchildren need protection.

Avoidance

I'm not sure taking a break is the answer. I have a friend who has just completed a full on, zero stimulation, two week silent retreat, and he was back online within seconds of his 'release'.

When I gave up cigarettes I couldn't stop them being available in the shop round the corner but I could avoid having them in the house. That eventually did the trick. I need the internet, but I don't need it on my iPad. Since my post, I've disabled my browser, using a random password I wrote down and have consigned to a shelf in my garden shed. I still have email and Skype, but little else. We'll see how it goes. Of course, if I really need to go online, I can still use my laptop, but that's outside, in a not particularly convenient or comfortable (deliberately chosen, as I had similar problems before) location, so I never spend long with it.

I don't want a smart phone either; but I'm sure my grandchildren will consider one as essential as clothing. Thankfully, they've been home schooled so far, so they're not exposed to too much temptation.