the 11th month of my not-fap-to-porn quest is nearly finished, so I have to make some report.
In general, there is an up and down in mood and performance, but through the lenght of time the trend is upward. Here are several topics of my life and how I'm developing there.
I have not returned to that habit. But out of curiosity I wanted to know how it is and about two months ago I made a test: Watching a tasteful erotic clip and masturbating to it. (about 10 minutes). Result: Not worth the fuzz. Few days later the same with watching about one hour and then masturbating. Somehow disapointing. No big feelings, just a short, somehow aching sensation. As this were the only occasions, it was planned and I did not binge, I do not consider them as a relapse. And they were the only occasions within the twelve months.
Despite the fact, that I had sucessful sex about one month after starting nofap, there were occasions when the johnson didn't work properly, especially when I drunk some alcohol, ate too much and when I was tired. But it went better and better. There was some performance axiey and sometimes a communication gap with my wife how to get Mr Johnson started. The last month or so there was no problem and we had sex quite often.
Watching nude pics and erotic material:
Yes I do it and sometimes too much. But no or very few arousal, and no fapping. Seems to be sort of killing time, or looking for something which is not there (or, lets say I'm only searching for natural, beatiful images and soft and loving scenes). On other time I do the same thing with information websites, with even more use of time. During my rebooting time I did the same with YBR, I suppose. Seems to belong to the procrastination department. It seems that my approach not to aim for orgasm has made PMO meanigless, even if the pics and clips are interesting.
Many guys say that watching porn will never be possible for them. For me there was always the question how a normal un-addicted Person can handle porn & cie. Seems it is alway about decisions: To decide to stop at a certain point, not to use it excessively, and to decide what to watch.
I had some masturbation tests, looking If I'm back to normal:
Am I able to M without pics or fantasy? Yes very easy within few minutes staring to the ceiling.
How long do I need to ejaculate when the penis is hard? 20 seconds.
How long do I need to ejaculate starting with a soft penis? 45 seconds.
How much semen can I produce? As much as when I was young.
When do I ejaculate the most creamy semen? After a certain period of arousal or slow sex, or during the second ejaculation after a very quick M.
Okay, I did this not at one time, and it was about five or six times within the whole 11 months. And it was without porn and fantasy.
But I fondle my penis here and there and I enjoy all the fine sensations, when it is not really hard. It seems it gets more sensitive and I start to enjoy even sex without having a real hard one. Here again: As I have no aim to get an orgasm, touching the penis and feeling the sensations, doesn't lead to MO or PMO.
Sex with my wife:
We were trying to have a baby, so orgasms were necessary. But there were hangovers. Very subtle, but I had a low overall performance in dayly matters and I had fears and felt needy. My wife had no interest in sex one to two weeks and a kind of bitchyness. After that sex even several times a day for some days and then a break again. So we decided to make a three weeks test without O. I'm now two and a half week without O, my wife six days. It seems I can bear the difficulties of live very well at the moment. My wife has no need of sex or even too much touch. It is said that after two weeks the hangover is gone so we will see how my wife will be in about ten days.
Im now much more daring in normal life issues and with sex as well. I have a nealy stiff ankle and couldn't walk very much. But last weekend I asked my wife to make a walk into the mountains. We lost the way and came into an area with nobody around. At a certain time we were talking how it would be to make sex in the forest montains. And how to do it technically. Sort of funny sexy talking, or dreaming from things you never dare to do. Then we came to an old sone quarry, with cliffs falling down to a grassy valley. And there we found a soft, mossy place on top of the cliffs, surrounded by small trees. And there we decided to make love. I was somhow natural. disposing some clothes to get a matress, and then cuddling and connecting. Slow karezza sex under a warm septemer sun. Wonderful experince, had never thought that we were able to do something like that. And we had lots of sex before on this weekend. I think this will be something we will never forget.
I will close with the drawbacks: From time to time I use too much alcohol. Still there is procrastination around. Coffe comsumptin has increased, but not to the level before, and with no negative effects, as it seems. Still using food to fill gaps in my mind and my body. Okay, I'll work on these issues.
So carry on, stay strong and never give up trying!