It's been awhile since I've posted here. The reason for that is that after over three years as a member on this forum, I've started to realize how damaging my belief system towards men has become, which I attribute largely to much of what I have read here, and which is impacting my relationship negatively.
I want to give a deep bow to all of the men here who have struggled with porn addiction, and for everyone who has helped me in my own spiritual path here at reuniting. I now realize a need, however, to take real responsibility for my views of men, and unfortunately the bulk of the content in this site, which revolves around men freeing themselves from their addiction to porn, is reinforcing a view of mine that men are somehow all secretly this way. It just so happens that the man I am with is extremely healthy, does not watch porn, does not even masturbate, and while i know he does not fit into this category, my fears of his potential have only increased thanks to what I have learned about many men in this site.
I could stop coming here completely, but I think that this project and this community is very special. And I genuinely like many of the men here who are struggling with porn. I just don't want to be involved with their struggle any more.
I am wondering if there is a way to create a safe place on Reuniting where women and men who are exploring spirituality, sexuality, wholeness, and vitality can share what they are learning without framing it in terms of porn? What I mean is that I am not trying to exclude anyone from the conversation (even a porn addict), but I want a place to come where porn is not the main frame of reference. A place where we are not just sharing what we are struggling with, but what we have discovered, what we have created, what we are building, how we are taking responsibility for our quality of life not retroactively but proactively, ie - how can we frame our wholeness not in terms of what we are trying to reach, what we are trying to avoid, but what we are willing to do to be whole. And what that activity feels like.
Because wholeness is always available and in that moment, it cannot have any reference to any memory of any pathology, for then it is not wholeness. Maybe wholeness is becoming more simple and forgetting who we thought we were.
I'm not interested any more in the struggle. I'm interested in what actually works. What is spiritual liberation? We already know what enslavement looks like. We could look deeper into all the iterations of the enslavement and all the iterations of the struggle.
But who is reaching the surface, who is taking the first new breath, and what does that feel like. NOT, what does that feel like COMPARED to porn addiction. Just simply, what does it feel like to be whole.
I want a place to continue in this community. The porn story, as prevalent as it is, just doesn't interest me any more, and I'm wondering if we could try to create a conversation around sexuality that has no reference to porn, objectification, trauma, morality, inadequacy, loneliness, struggle, whatsoever.
Anyone want to join me?