I went to a social event. I had a new wingman to get to know as an added complication. These social scenes are not my thing (yet, maybe never will be). My friends are not single so I figured I'd give this a shot by going with another guy. We got along pretty well. Other than that the socializing was a bit of a disaster. I learned about myself which is good. The venue wasn't right for me. It was too meat locker like. Girls were giving me weird glances. It seems a mix of attraction and curiosity about what was different, but of course I have no idea what they were really thinking. I do know some of the girls viewed all guys as crazy and had to talk to them to check they were normal. That seemed a nice positive attitude.
I assess social interactions in a higher level form of what it does to my energy level. That incorporates things like attraction, but seems to be much more holistic because it lets me see lasting affects and more remote areas of myself. I can feel how this experience wasn't positive both internally and in some externally observable choices such as food selection, mood, and so on. I could feel other's imbalance. I'm still imbalanced, but on the relative scale felt more balanced (~5 weeks now). It felt like by communicating I'd be plugging into an unknown voltage with a high probability that the voltage would be wrong. The chance of havoc would be too risky. Everyone seemed goal driven. I was just looking to chat without excessive superficiality. Any time I tried, it fell flat. The overall vibe kind of made me fearful of trying even with the few girls that I might have had a passing interest in. I get way better energy from girls at school several of whom are always smiling at me. Maybe I was pushing out defenses. Who really knows. I found the whole experience draining. Maybe I'm more environmentally sensitive than others. Even things about the space and setup were getting to me. It's amazing how the little details can really shift perceptions.
My perceptions could be off for several reasons. Finals, other girls, life in general on my mind, and so on. In addition to my religious hangups, I now have new hangups about finding balanced people. I'm trying to span the abyss of the hookup scene by going from the religious hill to the balanced hill. That seems to make things a little harder in terms of finding a mate. Yeah, I could just let experience be the guide for know, but I don't want to fall in and spend time digging my way out. I've spent enough fog time already. At the very least, the female must add energy to my life. That seems like a very fair standard yet one that many females seem to be unable to do for me. The nice thing is when they do boost my energy it is really obvious for me...much more so than subtle things like attraction. And that energy boost stays with me and can be called up just by thinking of them.