♥ Happy New Year!

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Not quite karezza...almost 3 months without an orgasm. I was feeling good in my sobriety but struggling with chastity. Had a looong discussion about The Relationship (she asked) and it really cleared the air for me. That was 2 days ago. I've been in her bed a lot (5-20 minutes morning and night for 5 days). I've been doing really well with just being present, caressing, not going for the thrill, not trying to excite her, kissing...all good stuff. Yesterday I had two very strong and clear images of being inside her and I was very flirty.
I am so high today. Last night she climbed on and we both had an orgasm. I wasn't trying to make it happen and I did nothing to stop it. I enjoyed it and am still stoned. I didn't work myself up, so it wasn't a mind blowing O.
Today, all is well in the world, there is no darkness or doubt. I have not felt this good in a long, long time. A peace resides in me that I had forgotten was possible. I am going to attempt to hold it by the loving way. Express my love and deal with whatever issue comes up that might disturb this peace. Thank you for the BB's
Oh lawdy, what a honeymooner I am.



Day 11 post orgasm and no hangover. We had a bad spot around the issue of my going to Dances of Universal Peace (I got the sniffles and didn't go) but I've managed to hold a good attitude. A more consistent meditation practice, focusing on doing what I need to do to maintain my composure, not trying to get something from my wife, staying in touch here, studying the Richardson's work, 2 Anat Baniel Method classes, and a CranioSacral Therapy session (I gave) have all helped. What's going on for Izzy? dunno...she's the one who wanted the O.
[quote John Burdett "Bangkok 8"]By learning new tricks you stop yourself from turning into an old dog.[/quote]


I was kind of petulant in my original choice of chastity (October). Along with all the other reasons, there was, "Fuck it! I give up," (which may not be the worst starting place...Jesus Take the Wheel).
The last 4 times we've lain together; 3 times me outside of her blankets and 1 time she fully clothed in my bed.
I didn't get it in CPA when Marnia was talking about wearing underwear to bed. Now maybe I do. There is a delicious innocence, "I'm here and we don't need (d'ja hear that? 'don't NEEEEED') to go any place else.":'-)


undies are a silly little barrier, but they are a wordless reminder that the subtle maneuvering isn't required just now. Smile


So I think I am a mature independent man....what a myth. Marnia knows, we need each other....but man! how I need sex.
Yesterday I was sooo needy....trying to connect, frustrated, blaming...."if only she'd....." I knew I was being emotional and didn't have the courage/intelligence to remove myself or do some tapping (EFT). She came to my bed in the evening for a few minutes and all I could focus on was that she was going to leave. I tried to be loving but I was just asking for more.
She came back to my bed this morning....about 45 minutes into my meditation that included some EFT and BWASP. I welcomed her and was as sexy as I felt. I stayed within my body awareness. I didn't think about what she might want. The captain of that boat put us into scissors position with nice yoni ligham contact. I caressed her with the intent of healing. She rolled in to spooning and I worked her shoulders real good. I allowed some BWAP jolts. I was ready to enter her at any time that seemed right. In 10 minutes she wanted breakfast. I wrestled her to keep her in bed (she won). The wrestling was fun but she didn't like it. I did what I wanted. I spoke my truth (sorry for being emotional, "I don't want you to ever leave my arms"). It was clean.
All of that combines to make a very content man. It's a great combo...sex, no need to cum, speak the truth, touch with honesty, hold healing intent, and no attachment to the outcome. Great stuff, but I feel so fragile and dependent.

3 Days Post Orgasm

I am 200 miles from home. We shared an orgasm Sunday. Monday I proposed karezza and Izzy said, "You just had an orgasm. You should be good for another 2 months." We laughed. She doesn't get it. I need to be a better teacher. I told her I want sex to be a comfort for us both.
I am so porn hungry today. Looked at some pictures of bathing suit models (no erection, no stroking, but definately looking for novelty). The Devil came to me, "Hell boy, if you're doing that, why not click over here for a real dick and pussy show". "Get behind me Satan!" I just went and meditated for 40 minutes. The BWASP came as if tears. I'm better now.
In the bar last night I saw some girls hanging on some cool dudes. That's all I want to do is hang on my Izzy. I think we could reverse roles. She's good at being cool. Cool Dude is just a show for me. Think I'll try channeling my inner girl and adoringly hang with Her Coolness.
Much love to y'all