I just had a realization and wanted to share it here.
I've gone 6 weeks without p/m/o.. and just a little while ago I looked at some soft porn for about 30 seconds. Didn't touch myself or anything, just looked. And afterwards I realized a lot of what I'm so scared of and what's causing a lot of the anxieties I'm having. So for this I'm actually a little happy that I looked at porn for that brief moment.
Ive masturbated successfully with porn countless times. Countless. As most of us here have. But everytime I've had the opportunity to do more than kiss a girl, my junk didn't work. (I remember just making out with the two girlfriends I've had and everything was good to go back in high school. But that was before I started viewing more intense/frequent porn.)
So now that I'm living without masturbation and porn. My brain knows the only alternative is the real deal. Real women. BUT the only experiences I have doing this are awful/awkward and I had failed to get or stay hard, thanks to porn. During the past few weeks I've had some weird anxieties, mostly a fear of being scared that I'm not attracted to women. I KNOW I'm attracted to women, I'm reminded everytime I see one. But that fear would just linger and pop up for whatever reason. And it wouldn't go away. It would really freak me out sometimes. But it just hit me that what I'm really afraid of is simply that I won't be able to get hard when the time comes, because I haven't in the past. But that's why I STARTED this whole journey. I really won't know until I'm actually there, in the moment, with a real woman. And I'm pretty damn sure it'll work. I'm just afraid it won't. And that fear can be paralyzing.
I think identifying this fear will help greatly in being able to prevent the anxietiy that it would cause.
Hopefully that can cause a click if anyone else is struggling with anything similar.
Has anyone else had this kind of situation, and then found everything worked fine once the moment of truth came along?