Greetings to fellow members,
Now, I know it's been a really long time since I posted anything here (let alone contribute)... I hope you don't think of me as a person who simply drops into a forum to ask for opinions and then disappear without contributing anything himself. I apologise for such conduct.
But what has been recently going through my mind is simply the fear of becoming gay. Now, normally when I look at guys, I don't really feel the kind of attraction that I feel for attractive girls. But these days I find that somehow a fear of becoming gay has just popped into my mind, I don't quite know from where. I have these occasional paranoid fears coming (related mostly to philosophical issues, but this time drastically different), and many (if not most) of them have forced me to change the way I think, but this one is really bothering me to a big extent. And this is why I am also afraid of even having this fear.
Often I also feel the attraction for attractive females dropping. I mean, some part of me thinks, "what's with the curvy erotic females? booooring, they're all the same". This contributed to the fear in the sense that "if my attraction to the opposite sex is falling away, probably attraction to the same sex is increasing?" no matter how illogical it sounds (as if attraction followed the laws of conservation or something). Fears such as these do not resort to logic, anyway, yet they are there, and fears are really hard to the consciousness, they're not something that can be dismissed verbally as "irrational" or "highly improbable".
Let me first tell you that for the past week or so I have come to change some notions regarding sexual attraction and addiction. Marnia had been trying to tell me this for so long, I realise it only now... attraction to females is not the cause of the sexual addiction. The attraction is really normal. I confused this attraction with the addiction, and hence went about trying to repress this attraction, cursing all the attractive females as being whores. I now realise that was a huge mistake.
But what can I do about the fear of turning gay? I mean, just today I've been reading some articles on "how to overcome homosexuality" (etc., but finding only those typical Christian sites). And after having read that some researchers "prove" that homosexuality cannot be overcome, I became all the more paranoid. (people can turn gay, but cannot overcome being gay, how pathetic is that?)
I will really appreciate any opinion and advice on this.