3 Week experience + Rebooting the brain

Submitted by fireburns1 on
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Today is 3 weeks without orgasm and porn. I won't lie though, I did masturbate twice within these 3 weeks but not to orgasm, I controlled myself. I don't really think that masturbating has the power to make adverse effects on your brain like orgasm does, so I think masturbating is ok. However, I will keep it limited. I have avoided watching porn and orgasm for 3 weeks, so Im happy about that. I definitely feel better now after 3 weeks than I did back on Day 1. I feel more peaceful. But I still have anxiety about being near others. Its hard for me to talk to other people and I honestly don't really care for talking to others. I know that my habit of jerking off for the last 5 years has definitely destroyed my life. I have no friends, I literally live inside my room locked up and am too anxious to speak to anyone. The 3 weeks I just did does make me feel more peaceful and less irritable but I still feel anxious around others. So I wanted to know something. I read that it takes 6-8 weeks to reboot the brain. If that is the case then I havent rebooted my brain and what does it mean reboot the brain? When my brain is rebooted, do you think my social anxiety will go away? Im really desperate, honestly I was gonna commit suicide from my terrible loneliness but this website gave me hope , because i read that social anxiety can be caused by porn and masturbation and when I read that a lightbulb went off in my mind. Please tell me what does that mean the brain rebooted and how long will that take, and what happens when the brain is rebooted.

Congratulations on your progress

Feeling a bit calmer is already a big step toward socializing more easily. Now you just have to start giving off the right signals...the ones your tribemates respond to. (Otherwise, it's as if you have a big "Do Not Disturb" sign hanging around your neck. Wink )

Some people have good luck with going to a public place, like a mall or a fair, and just making it a point to look other people in the eye...and smile, if possible. Try it on several occasions and count the people who smile back.

It gets easier and easier. Remember, you are a tribal, pair-bonding primate. It's no wonder you're feeling rotten with too much social isolation. Porn was a logical solution...but not such a deeply satisfying one as it turned out.

The good news is that there are more women than ever needing post-porn partners, so you'll be in a good strategic position once you relearn your "bonding behaviors." They're like a "secret weapon." List here: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/200909/the-laz...

Start small and build on success. And start a blog here if you want some cyber pals. Let us know how you get on.

*big hug*

I can relate to what you

I can relate to what you said fireburns. From my experience I felt much more calm after 2 months. I have had social anxiety too although I wouldn't say it is comepletely gone. Although abstaining has helped a lot for me in dealing with other issues, it is not a magic pill. I still have to work hard in going out and socializing. Abstaining gives you the added confidence and foundation to do that. Celebrate and get excited that you are on the right track. What happens next is yours to decide. :)

You need to retrain your

You need to retrain your subconscious mind to be more self-confident in relating to other people. When I was 15 - 19, I started to have social anxiety and became extremely shy. I think it was because mtb drained off a lot of physical and energy resource from me, and made me feel insecure subconsciously.

But I worked on myself, I read motivation books, books about self confidence, how to make friends, NLP, Anthony Robbins etc. It helped!
I think the one that helped me the most was Anthony Robbins, as he taught me to retrain my posture and the way I carry my body in order to change my thoughts and response to the world. If you stand up tall, confident, strong, put a smile on your face, think good thoughts about others, you can retrain your brain to be outgoing and more confident. And the good thing is, it improves with practise.

I started talking to strangers just for the sake of training myself. If I got into a lift and someone made small talk to me or eye contact with me, I'd say "Hi", and then follow with small talk like "do you work around here? oh really? Which floor? What do you do?" etc. In fact I tried this on the pretty girls I saw on the street and I actually made A LOT of girlfriends from that way.

But one thing for sure, your libido/sexual drive/ energy level has a lot of influence over how secure/insecure you feel. Social anxiety comes from your body thinking you dont have enough energy, strength, so it chooses the flee mode. If your body doesnt have the resource to Fight, it automatically choses Flee. I still have days where if i didnt get enough sleep the night before, I would feel drained of energy and have no energy to talk charismatically to any person at all.

Another way I changed myself was to reprogram my subconscious mind by Visualization. Every night I would visualise myself as a confident, very friendly, charismatic person. I would make up scenarios in my mind where I interacted successfully with others in a way I liked. I would go back to the past memories and change the akward social anxiety situations and edit that memory into successful ones. THis I think was the one that changed me subconsciously the most. In within a few months, everyone said I had changed tremendously. They all tell me that "You used to be very quiet", but now I could talk about anything with them with a good sense of humour.

So the thing you need to do is to reboost your energy, and to retrain your mind, and practise socialising. It's ok to make mistakes or get stuck on the way, as long as you keep practising and pushing ahead you are on the road to success.

I can somewhat empathise

I can somewhat empathise with you FIREBURNS. 24 years old and feel like I've just been missing out on so much of what everyone else has enjoyed. I've got a pretty negative self-view and I have such a lack of friends and meaningful relationships. It sux to be lonely...I know. I'm quite capable of having superficial relationships with colleagues, at church, playing sport, but nothing meaningful...
Advice for when you're feeling really alone: Arrange human contact. Whether is be a trip back home, dinner with a friend, inviting people to your house, visiting grandma. It's important to have something to look forward to.

Hi Im 3 weeks too...

Hi Im 3 weeks too...without PMO and I can tell you an advice about anxiety, if you want to finish once for all with anxiety, the posion for anxiety is only one way is hard but effective, and is 100% effectively, believe me I was in your situation but at worst.
Just have to face to face with the things that makes you fear or makes your anxiety happen.
If you have anxiety for being with other get out and do it.
Doesnt matter if is hard, remember is the only way you have to be strong, go and talk with others, go step by step, little by little, but facing it.
After 3 weeks I really dont know if my libido or my erections are coming back but Im facing it like you, that means that we are strong and we want to live at 100%, good luck and any doubts just write me,see you pal.