I have been visiting this site for some time, and I have been interested/practising daoist sex approaches from a long time ago. I think what Marnia and Gary are doing here is great, and a true work of love. And the community is awesome, too.
I have been a silent reader, but today I have decided to write in the hope of finding some relationship advice.
I have been in a relationship for two years with a lovely girl. There is a deep connection between us, we have been very happy together at times, but it has not been a tranquil relationship. The pattern is always the same: She feels I don't call enough, express my feelings enough; she doesn't feel secure in the relationship, she feels needy. I feel overwhelmed, lacking personal space, freedom, independence. When she's needy I want to run away. When I want to run away she can feel it and makes her feel insecure and needy. I guess we are a co-dependence example. I am the hard-to-get one, reluctant to express my feelings, afraid of being hurt, afraid of being too close to anybody, too rational. She's the one willing to work hard to get love, ready to accept anything, needy, too emotional. I am 34, more experienced; she's 27, and I am her first partner. I am European, she's Asian (so there is culture difference, also).
This has been going on for two years, and finally some months ago we have broken up (I have). That's actually the second time we break up, but got back together after a while. What is happening now is that we are keeping in touch, talking on the telephone, meeting sometimes; sometimes closer, sometimes arguing. This is obviously not satisfying for any of us, and at the same time it is preventing us from moving on. Actually she does not want to move on, I don't think she's able to, no matter how painful the situation is. I say I want to move on, but the fact is that I am still here.
I realize that the problem is both of us are immature; I realize that we are trapped in a loop. But still we don't seem to be able to get out of it, either by parting away, or by finding a way to be happy together.
Then lately I read CPA, and I thought, is there any chance that our issues can be sorted out with Karezza?
I know she would agree, as she would almost do anything to make things work; I also know she would be receptive to Karezza style love making as I have done non orgasmic sex with her (non orgasmic for me) in the relationship and she's familiar to the concept (although my approach was not slow, but "edging" and getting more and more aroused). We have also had very spiritual, intense experiences by making love without sex, i.e. during her period. And she loves bonding behaviors like those of the Exchanges.
At the same time it scares me a lot to step into the loop again, get together again, exposing ourselves to another break up. It scares me that I am using this "power" that I have by being in this side of the relationship, that I might leading her to more suffering. That I might get tired, overhemed, when things get close. Also I was thinking, doesn't Karezza require unconditional love? Can I propose "trying again" on the condition of Karezza (so then it is not unconditional)? Is it self deluding thinking that our issues (which are there and are real) are just consequences of orgasm induced brain chemistry unbalance?
Well, thanks a lot if you read this much, coments will be very much appreciated!!