Masturbation without pornography

Submitted by Recovering Porn... on
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I have recently come to the realization of the grip that pornography had on my life, and I have finally committed to giving it up for good. I have been practicing celibacy for just over a month and I would like to transition from celibacy to a SAFE form of masturbation in the near future. My addiction aided the demise of my marriage and I plan to remain single for the time being.

Does anyone know of a SAFE way to masturbate? I can do this without pornography, but what about thinking of past sexual experiences? Some of these were loving, and others more lustful.


I think I need "safe" defined. I think your goal is to not go back to using porn and the question is can you think about sex you've had without endangering your sobriety. A slippery slope my friend....the porn in your head isn't any different than the porn in your hand (save for economics). In my struggle, my wife advocated sensual masturbation...that is enjoying the sensations of touching myself. Good advice but I felt kind of gay and realized what I really wanted was to see that image of a sexy, willing partner, and what I really really wanted was to cum, and what I really really really wanted was to be held and loved.
Does celibacy mean you haven't cum in a month? Wow! I'm at 7 days and a month sounds like a very long time.
Removing the goal of ejaculation has changed everything. My wife is now a sexy willing partner and I'm getting the holding and loving I need. You are a single man. Your struggle must be tremendous. We need Reuniting churches where a person could go to share non orgasmic sex.
I read Barry Long's piece recommended by Marnia (I love you). He's right and he's tough. It is all in our head. But he is too Puritanical for me. "It's wrong, don't do it, but don't feel guilty if you do," doesn't work for me....real short on how to. Maybe that's in the rest of the book. If your task is to change your mind, I recommend Mindfulness Meditation. These Buddhists have lovely techniques for developing compassion in dealing with the problems of the mind...and there are teachers all over the place.
Blessings of the Goddess on us all

Delighted to hear

about your wife. She must be a very wise goddess. Many women these days are even more hooked on orgasm and seduction than men!

I love your "church" idea. I'm hoping that if people really understand how soothing bonding behaviors can be that it will become a lot more common for men and women, who know they aren't suited as mates, to *sleep* together just to comfort one another. So much well-being could be produced that way.

There's no definition of "celibacy" provided at this site. The goal is simply a return to balance and free will (absence of compulsion). For many of us, karezza ultimately fills that bill best because it promotes equilibrium. But even with karezza, my husband and I find we orgasm inadvertently a couple of times a year (on average). That's useful, because the aftereffects remind us why we don't want to. Wink The after effects are fairly mild as long as we stick to daily bonding behaviors - but we still don't like the subtle friction and and anxiety that hover around.