Have you ever been HAMMERED by urges to MO for days at a time...yet didn't succumb? DO TELL!

Submitted by Reginald on
Printer-friendly version

Hi folks, I'd love to get your opinions and advice...

This is Day 15 since one PMO...which was preceded by a week of tons of sex with a sweet lady.

Strangely, I'm not really craving porn. Maybe a little fantasy creeping in. But deeeeeamn, I am STRUGGLING with the urge to MO! In fact, yesterday I got into it with some lotion, but miraculously just stopped and got up.

I'm exercising, eating right, socialising, could sleep a bit more. (I did just have a mini-breakup with that lady. On the bright side, it was just that she's falling in love with me but we don't live in the same city, so...cut it off early.)

Isn't this the battle? I keep thinking of Winston Churchill: "If you're going through hell...keep going." Haha! I'm not really in HELL, I just feel a huge compulsion pervading my awareness, and am hanging on by a thread. It's like a sleeping beast in my home: I can't get it to leave, and I shouldn't wake it. Hopefully it will just wander out in a few days.

The more scary thing is, I've studied so much on YBOP and reuniting.info, but the craving can creep in and just delete a lot of that wisdom from my mind!

The last few days, I've thought, "Okay, I will never use Porn again, I get it. I accept that. But I will MO someday. Is now okay? Why am I supposed to abstain now, again? Do I have to? Can I just do a quick one if it's no P or F?" Shit is getting obsessive, LOL.

I've had some ED recently, so in this time of weakness, I try to turn my mind towards that horror, the insanity of being with a super-hot woman but unable to serve it up. Like, I simply MUST at least do a pure reboot, to see if that cures it.

I'm meditating on http://yourbrainonporn.com/porn-induced-ed-start-here

Thanks!

Comments

yea dude, trust me i kno the

yea dude, trust me i kno the feeling.

in my own experience, something magical happens when you resist. whenever i am up 3 am in the morning with crazy bad urges, the next day always truns out to be awesome. i read something somewhere that says "life bends to the will of a man who learns to keep his seed."

First,

given the breakup, I think it's natural to want to masturbate. Your brain wanted that fertilization opportunity...and now it's gone, so it's riding you.

Isn't it uncanny how, even with days of great sex, you fell back into porn when the chaser hit? If there were some way to really internalize the reality...that cravings aren't libido, and that waiting is the fastest way back to balance...life would be so much easier for you guys. 8)

Anyway, if you want to build muscle, set a date a week from now, and refuse to "dialogue" with your urges to masturbate until then. You may see they are a lot calmer by then. It's counter-intuitive, but in fact, post-O cravings are not genuine libido. And indulging them doesn't return you to balance...even though your brain *tells* you it will.

*big hug*

Yeah, if only there were a way!

GOSHHHHHHH I am tripping! If only there were a way to not interpret these cravings as "You simply MUST come, ASAP."

Lemme get this straight: MO will not help me now, either in staying off porn forever nor in conquering ED?
And I simply must not MO for a while?

Marnia, when I get a week from now...is MO an option?

Thanks y'all!

MO is supposed to be optional, on YOUR terms.

I think the key to understanding this is that your desire to MO is not so much because you are horny as much as it is because you are addicted. It's a compulsion, not the real deal. The beast is rattling the cage good this time! My approach is that I don't want to MO until there's a point in time when I don't feel the NEED to as much as I just WANT to. Something that has been on my brain today is (and maybe something I'll post about tonight) is about animals in nature. Do you ever seen a bear that NEEDS to MO to live? Or a squirrel? Or a dog? Or any other creature? The only animal I can think of that will MO is a monkey and I'm not even sure I have that right. Point is, you don't need to MO, your brain (and the beast) is just trying to scream into your ear that you do. These urges are what recovery is all about. THEY SUCK!. But they ARE the recovery. No way around them. I think the goal is to get to a point where you only get aroused when you're around a woman that is turning you on. The rest of the time you get to harness that man juice into a giant ball of masculine energy. I hope you make it through man. It really really really sucks to be in that situation. Good luck friend.

Supposedly

animals don't masturbate *nearly* as much as we do...and they do it more in captivity, which is intriguing...and led to an interesting discussion here on the forum, and resulted in this post...which resulted in others in this series:

Masturbation, Fantasy and Captivity
http://yourbrainonporn.com/masturbation-fantasy-and-captivity

WEIRD Masturbation Habits
http://yourbrainonporn.com/weird-masturbation-habits

Today’s ejaculation advice may be wrong for our species
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201106/exiting...

Ejaculation: How Often for Good Health?
http://yourbrainonporn.com/ejaculation-how-often-for-good-health

Actually, I think you absolutely *do* have to make friends with masturbation (or an energy circulation practice that works for you) if you don't have a partner. But James is right that the ideal situation is to wait until the *cravings* die down and then figure out your "ideal" schedule.

Wet dream intervals are a possible test, but there are no hard rules. Here's an FAQ about this challenge of finding the right masturbation schedule: http://yourbrainonporn.com/are-there-any-guidelines-for-healthy-masturba...

For now, while you know it's just The Evil Chaser, try cold water instead: http://yourbrainonporn.com/cold-water-technique

*big hug*

Next day...

I feel much better i.e. not beset by ruthless urges. I did almost have a wet dream last night.

Thanks, Marnia--yes, I was perusing those very articles yesterday.

[quote=James2568]I think the key to understanding this is that your desire to MO is not so much because you are horny as much as it is because you are addicted. It's a compulsion, not the real deal. ...I don't want to MO until there's a point in time when I don't feel the NEED to as much as I just WANT to.[/quote]
Thanks, James2568. That last sentence...I feel you; come to think of it, I haven't merely WANTED to MO since, like, 1992 LOL! It's almost unimaginable that I'll reach a point where I'm not living in compulsion, but rather in balanced decision-making.

I really appreciate y'alls' support in being TOUGH!

I'm back into a regular sex

I'm back into a regular sex life and I still have the urge to MO from time to time. The way I pass the urge is just by thinking about other shit. Not shit literally. Other stuff.

I mean thinking about shit might help pass the urge lol.

Hm... *Epiphany moment*

I was on the verge of

I was on the verge of starting a once a week schedule and then I met a girl. Now I save the horny stuff for my girlfriend. I don't think it's unreasonable to have a schedule but... when I was considering a schedule I was just having random boners all the time. Morning wood was very frequent. But sometimes I'll even admit there are times when I start thinking of something sexual and I'm alone I'll start reaching down there without even thinking! I have to consciously tell myself no. I just don't want my mind to start enjoying the hand. But I hardly ever think about porn or watching it anymore. It was really weird because from when I discontinued watching porn the flashbacks would go backwards. Like from the different types of porn I watched. It was like layers of desensitized mind were being pealed away.

But yeah. No schedule haha

(3 days since original post)

A little update for you: I chose to MO. I feel pretty good about it SO FAR. Not sure if it was addict-cravings, 'natural', or something else.
As recommended, I kept it free of P/F and with a light touch.
My rationales were:
*the urge has been brutal, dominating my thoughts, maybe a quickie will relieve the pressure. (IT DID)
*on the occasions I've had ED, they seemed related to guilt, non-comfort/ non-closeness with the lady, and fear. Sometimes I improved with each session.

The key now is: stay Porn free! That's non-negotiable.

Here's the readout since

my MO on 1/30 (which, mind you, was 2 delightful minutes, free of porn and fantasy, and copious). Basically, I held out for 3 days, then LOST IT. Looks like porn was negotiable after all.

(Details for the annals>>>>
1/31: taken by a few Internet images. Later had vivid ideations of relapsing to PMO.
2/1: no special urges.
2/2: saw a titillating album cover, tranced for a second. A close friend had a massive medical emergency this morning; at the end of the stressful day, I thought "Maybe I should take down K9 and watch porn", but banished it.
2/3: Woke, and chose to download porn movies from sites not covered by my K9. PMO relapse!
2/4-5: though an arduous task, I continued building a little porn collection and PMOing.
2/6: after a crazy night at the hospital with friend's medical stuff...I got home and dug out the K9 password, got full unfettered PMO going.)

Last year, I was on Day 38 and MO'd.
In the next few days, I needed F to take my M to orgasm.
At that point, I was like, "I'm watching porn in my head, I might as well watch online!"

So it seems that MO goes to F goes to P goes to PMOF total relapse.
FVVVVCK. I just couldn't figure out how to NOT MO, man! That first domino fell!

I'm considering getting MAJOR K9 lockdown. Maybe I can live without youtube and filesharing albums.