Hi folks, I'd love to get your opinions and advice...
This is Day 15 since one PMO...which was preceded by a week of tons of sex with a sweet lady.
Strangely, I'm not really craving porn. Maybe a little fantasy creeping in. But deeeeeamn, I am STRUGGLING with the urge to MO! In fact, yesterday I got into it with some lotion, but miraculously just stopped and got up.
I'm exercising, eating right, socialising, could sleep a bit more. (I did just have a mini-breakup with that lady. On the bright side, it was just that she's falling in love with me but we don't live in the same city, so...cut it off early.)
Isn't this the battle? I keep thinking of Winston Churchill: "If you're going through hell...keep going." Haha! I'm not really in HELL, I just feel a huge compulsion pervading my awareness, and am hanging on by a thread. It's like a sleeping beast in my home: I can't get it to leave, and I shouldn't wake it. Hopefully it will just wander out in a few days.
The more scary thing is, I've studied so much on YBOP and reuniting.info, but the craving can creep in and just delete a lot of that wisdom from my mind!
The last few days, I've thought, "Okay, I will never use Porn again, I get it. I accept that. But I will MO someday. Is now okay? Why am I supposed to abstain now, again? Do I have to? Can I just do a quick one if it's no P or F?" Shit is getting obsessive, LOL.
I've had some ED recently, so in this time of weakness, I try to turn my mind towards that horror, the insanity of being with a super-hot woman but unable to serve it up. Like, I simply MUST at least do a pure reboot, to see if that cures it.
I'm meditating on http://yourbrainonporn.com/porn-induced-ed-start-here