Day 59, Age 34; A new partner and still issues

Submitted by mwa on
Printer-friendly version

Good news and bad news.

The good news: I found a very sweet new partner who seems all about the idea of karezza and this path of moderation with orgasm.

The bad: I stayed the night at her house last night and my penis wasn't really any better than before the process. If anything felt more stressed than ever.

She was on her period so sex was out, so we cuddled all night. I would get hard for a minute and it would quickly go soft again. This caused me endless stress because I didn't want her to notice when I wasn't and feel that I wasn't turned on. I didn't even have much response when she would touch it. If I got her moaning I would get hard, but again it wouldn't feel very lasting. I remember even recently being able to get hard and just stay that way without effort. I don't get it.

Any advice or encouragement here? Do I just need a longer reboot? I am having this feeling like I need to re-wire to a real woman but damn, shouldn't I be seeing more improvement after two months?

Very depressing.


hey man

i'm on day 32 myself. I noticed realy signs of life from day 22-30, but now, not so much. I would have morning glories for a week, but none today. I'm also seeing a new girl tonight, and we talked about doing it. We want to get a hotel, but I'm thinking we should put it off another week and do something else instead. Funny, I felt totally fine a week ago, now my lil guy seems sleepy.

My guess is there is a bit of

My guess is there is a bit of anxiety playing into it. The whole "oh man, is this gonna work? What if it doesn,'t? Etcetc"
Can really kill things. Just go with the flow, focus on her and, the hardest part, don't think about it. I have a really hard time with it too.

Keep at it!

I'm on day 71 and my dick

I'm on day 71 and my dick feels dead as a stump, limp as a noodle. So I'm with ya man. I'm tryin some karezza with my lady tonight since it's been 2 weeks since i tried to have sex (failure). Just trust in the process and let the days pass adn stay productuve and positive. I haven't seen much progress at all in these 10 weeks, but I still got my head up. Keep us posted on the reboot man.

good luck

I can definitely see how a

I can definitely see how a combination of anxiety, and trying rewire to a real woman could cause this to happen. But it sounds like you are on the right path. You said that it worked when she was aroused, but that you just didn't feel like it was sustainable. I once you have sex with her a few times successfully you'll be alright. It's just so damn tough to NOT think about something like that. Plus, like you said, you haven't gone 90 days yet either. I bet just being with her, and touching her and getting those little mini erections is going to lead to a quicker recovery. Good luck man! Happy for you!

it's also quite normal

for your penis to get hard and then soft and then hard. You said you weren't having sex anyway. Even when I'm inside my partner there are times the penis gets a bit softer then harder, especially if she really isn't into the whole thing in the first place.


This is perfectly NORMAL and EXPECTED.

one more thing...

I have had sex with my wife when she was having her period LOTS of times. Not on the two heaviest flow days, but the other days, yes. The gift for me was the magic of NO CONDOM NEEDED WHOOO HOOOO!  Worth a bit of blood on my penis which didn't bother me. She was comfortable with it except on the two heaviest flow days and it was GREAT for me!

In my experience, trying to

In my experience, trying to have some sort of romantic relationship during a reboot is more stress than it's worth. Especially given the potential duration of the reboot. I'm on Day 86 and have only begun to start seeing some improvement after a very long flatline. I'm not planning to even start trying to rewire my brain for another month or so.

Focus completely on getting yourself healthy and take the stress out of it. Good luck, man.

Wow, thanks for all the

Wow, thanks for all the perspective everyone. It's nice to hear other perspectives on this journey.

On the one hand, I agree with recovering, that maybe this is more stress than it's worth. But on the other, if it's a good woman maybe it will speed things up and get things in the right direction. I just don't know.

Overall my dick feels pretty flatlined. I'm reading that a lot of guys needed some female attention to get things going again, it wasn't just about the reboot. Any thoughts?

And agreed, Emerson. At one point I tried to put it in despite the period, she wouldn't go for it. She said it was heavy, which didn't bother me, but oh well.

You guys are awesome.

It was only around

day 70 to 90 or so that I remember seeing results during my first reboot last summer. In hindsight I think I needed 120 days to get *really* healthy. This time around I'm rebooting with another partner and it's been quicker (second reboot), results around day 60 started to show; but I've also been relapsing some, and that doesn't help overall. Progress seems to be cumulative. Good luck, stick with it!

Hey Gary

Gary, do you have any literature or links supporting your observation that guys rebooting with partners do better? Or maybe aNewLife can point to sources for the opposite view?

I'm curious because I sort of have the choice right now of going it alone or "using" my ex.


You said it yourself, if you're stressed, you can countom on ED. From my personal experience and lot of reading, I can't think of anything that can reduce libido and cause ED like stress. Sounds so simple, but that's definitely a culprit. Also, anytime you're observing how your penis is performing, that in itself will cause problems. My advice is to deal with the stress, and not worry about what your penis is doing. It's so simple, yet so difficult.

I think that before you make

I think that before you make any decisions, you should give it more time with the new girl. It may have just been a one time anxiety thing. Don't think too hard about it. Give it some time with her and see what happens. You really don't have enough experience with her yet to know how you'll react on your next few snuggle sessions. After you've had a few you'll be able to judge what to do a lot easier.

That's the right answer James

That's the right answer James, I'm sure. My hope was that rebooting would get rid of, or at least cut down on, the same old performance anxiety that pops up with new partners. The big question is weather I need more time rebooting or it's just not going to solve it like I hoped.

I think many of us come to a point where it becomes challenging to trust the process. This must be my moment. So here is my mantra for the next couple of weeks: "be patient, trust the process."

Guys whose

erections are a bit sluggish after a reboot often report continued gains for the first couple of months, so you're right to take it easy.

There are no empirical studies on this process because you guys are pioneers. The doctors still hand guys with youthful ED Viagra and tell them they need to chat about their childhoods with sex counselors. Very few are saying, "Hey...could be an addiction. Give your brain a rest and see what happens. "