Age 33; Day 41: Stress to the max!

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Submitted by James2568 on
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Unfortunately, I have several deadlines over then next 7 days or so. I have been extremely stressed because of this. I get these eyelid twitches when I get very fatigued and stress, and the eyes have been twitching like crazy the last few days. Also, I noticed that I have been experiencing a lot of desire and fantasy lately. I think the stress and the sexual tension is related. I have been feeling a lot of pressure and urges just to have an orgasm. Mainly I've been thinking about having sex with my ex and how good it felt when it was going right. That usually gets me started, and then I spend the next several hours dealing with the urge to have an orgasm. I have also been fantasizing a lot about women who are around me too though. I'm not sure if this is good or not. On the one hand, I feel like it is healthy to fantasize about real women because it increases my desire to have sex with a real woman. But, knowing that I am very limited right now with my time and money, I know that having sex with a real woman is more than likely not going to happen for quite a while. That's the rational I have for wanting to MO. But, I'm also thinking that this is just my brain's way of rationalizing something that I am trying to avoid, so I have not given in. I'm determined to make it to 90 days PMO free, and I'm only about half way there.

Last night, after I got home from school at about 9:00pm, I decided not to look at anything with a screen. So I kept the laptop closed, and the television off, and picked up one of my favorite books on camping. It was actually pretty nice. I felt relaxed, and I think I even slept better last night. I think it helped, but today I'm back at it. A REAL vacation would be very nice, but that's not a reality yet. lol.

So the point is, it's been a rough few days, and the next week or so is going to be rough too. I guess I would have to say I'm about a 4 out of 10 lately. I think a lot of that may be stress related, but there's nothing I can do about it but get to work and get through it. Hopefully there will be some up days coming soon.


One other thing...

I have not been in flatline for a long time. I'm definitely feeling my libido. But it's almost like it is a libido that is out of control. The worst part is that I have a very hard time maintaining focus on anything important. I've started taking fish oil omega 3 supplements, so maybe that will help. I just wish I could keep my libido/urge/desire (whatever it is) in check so that I can concentrate. That's probably the thing I'm having the hardest time with right now. My limbic braind is saying "just go MO once and it'll make things a lot less difficult". But my rational cortex is saying "don't listen to limbic, he's just trying to get you to go down the old path, and even if you were to give in, in won't be any easier. Just stay the course." So, that is what I'm doing. Tough right now though.

I hear you

I'm about on day 43 since my last sperm ejaculation (I may have had a dry O one night). Days 40, 41, 42 have been like being punched in the solar plexus every hour around the clock. Sexual frustration, stomach pain, urges. Crazy stuff. I think there is a 3 week cycle happening: many fail on day 21 and apparently around day 42 it's very tough also. Today on day 43 I'm better though not completely back in balance. So stay with it, it may go away faster than you think.

Thanks guys =)

Marnia: I may have to start keeping a washcloth in the fridge. Ha ha.

Infinity: I usually like to try to be more active, but right now my whole world revolves around getting past the bar exam in July. I'm not a jogger but I try to get outside and get exercise whenever the planets align right.

Goose: Thanks for the encouragement. I think you are probably right about that. That's what is so cool about this site/blog. You can get your experiences off your chest to people who understand.