Unfortunately, I have several deadlines over then next 7 days or so. I have been extremely stressed because of this. I get these eyelid twitches when I get very fatigued and stress, and the eyes have been twitching like crazy the last few days. Also, I noticed that I have been experiencing a lot of desire and fantasy lately. I think the stress and the sexual tension is related. I have been feeling a lot of pressure and urges just to have an orgasm. Mainly I've been thinking about having sex with my ex and how good it felt when it was going right. That usually gets me started, and then I spend the next several hours dealing with the urge to have an orgasm. I have also been fantasizing a lot about women who are around me too though. I'm not sure if this is good or not. On the one hand, I feel like it is healthy to fantasize about real women because it increases my desire to have sex with a real woman. But, knowing that I am very limited right now with my time and money, I know that having sex with a real woman is more than likely not going to happen for quite a while. That's the rational I have for wanting to MO. But, I'm also thinking that this is just my brain's way of rationalizing something that I am trying to avoid, so I have not given in. I'm determined to make it to 90 days PMO free, and I'm only about half way there.
Last night, after I got home from school at about 9:00pm, I decided not to look at anything with a screen. So I kept the laptop closed, and the television off, and picked up one of my favorite books on camping. It was actually pretty nice. I felt relaxed, and I think I even slept better last night. I think it helped, but today I'm back at it. A REAL vacation would be very nice, but that's not a reality yet. lol.
So the point is, it's been a rough few days, and the next week or so is going to be rough too. I guess I would have to say I'm about a 4 out of 10 lately. I think a lot of that may be stress related, but there's nothing I can do about it but get to work and get through it. Hopefully there will be some up days coming soon.