But I'm frusterated. I'm flatlined. I can't feel anything. I spent a lot of time on YBOP because I had to remind myself that Day 35 is not Day 90. But still. When I'm with the girl I'm seeing I feel empty and frusterated. I enjoy talking to her and think about her all day. But the following has happened twice since I've seen her: We kiss, I think it's nice, but I don't feel anything. Like it just gets tiring. A deeper part of me is searching for some connection, but I can't feel anything. We just started to get more serious about seeing echother.
I'll describe it this way. Two weeks ago, I felt nervous about being around her (after we had already been physical). We would text back and forth all the time. I go through periods when I'm falling for her deeply, and then I feel like a stone. We spent V-Day together confessing eachother's feelings. I hate this but I'm starting to associate my lack of passion with lack of feelings for her. But something tells me that I do want her. Like, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I look forward to seeing her. I've made real steps towards being with her (something I've always been afraid of), I've been strongly driven to write her a love poem (which I've given her). What we did for VDAY was something I couldn't stop thinking about. I had to do it for her.
I wanted to! I felt a nervous rush before I set it all up, and still a nervous rush when I confessed how I felt about her. And yet, it was all nice until we kissed .... nothing. Am I going nuts here? After I dropped her off, I had a deep sinking feeling that I didn't care for her. Am I some emotionally bi-polar bastard? I really care about her, so I don't want to hurt her. The only consoling factor is that I don't feel a need to be with any other girl. I don't care to flirt or anything. This has been really bothering me guys. I haven't connected with someone in the absence of porn so I'm not sure what's happening. I thought I was, but now I'm in doubt!