Connecting is scary because you give a little bit of you...and sometimes it doesn't work out. Sometimes you think something might be wonderful, and then you realize it can't be. Well, guys, I gave a little. It was scary. For a variety of reasons, it didn't end in my favor. She wasn't ready. I learned a lot though. I learned why it's scary to open up. I learned that it's o.k. to fear. But we must leave things to their own natures.
I am proud of myself because I didn't react negatively. She said the prospect was overwhelming to her. Although it hurts a bit, and I'm a bit sad, I told her that it's perfectly o.k. Before I might have been angry and hurt. But now, though I have a bit of pain, I'm letting go. Maybe she'll come around again, maybe she won't. I'm committed to no outcome. She decided this, so I can only let her do what she has felt to do. I can't change her. She experiences what she does.
That being said, I find this all very draining, so I'm taking a break from the dating stuff. It's cool if it's casual, but the opening up part is very draining. I've learned a lot from all this friends. I'm still going strong. I'm still pushing. Tomorrow is another day. In it I don't want to find a mate, as that thought is rather taxing for me. Instead, I'm just going to follow hobbies and make friends. That is the best way to go. There is no risk is making friends. A friend is better than a lover. A lover might not want to love anymore on any given day, but a friend is there with less conditions.
NP 36 NMO 26