It's coming up to two weeks since I was rather unexpectedly dumped by my lady. I've been through the whole raft of breakup emotions; denial, anger, depression, and now I think acceptance. It's led to lots of reflection, research and reading.
Cupid's Poisoned Arrow - round two
I re-read Marnia's book 'Cupid's Poisoned Arrow'. My first reading was during my reboot. I was fascinated by the science and ideas but there was friction in fully accepting or more accurately sharing with my partner and putting non-orgasmic sex into practice. When I first met her I was suffering with porn induced ED and had just started a reboot. It was quite a hurdle to opening talk with her about this and a step too far to suggest that when I was fixed we should try not having any orgasms.
This time round I was alarmed by the logic and precision with which the science matched the patterns in my own relationship. Both occasions she broke up with me had been preceded by our hottest sex sessions. It also explained why our initial sexual encounters together were so 'loving'. Because I wasn't allowed to ejaculated (no PMO) they were very tender with lots of touching and kissing. If my memory serves me well I felt very peaceful during this time as oppose to my horniness, tiredness, and agitation whilst having orgasmic sex with her.
I dropped the book off at her house along with a short letter containing my thoughts. I told her I would be in touch in a week when I am back in town. Irrelevant of what happens between us I am interested to hear her thoughts on our experience given the insights of this book. I then have a little over one month before going off on another travel adventure for 2 months. My ideal scenario is that she is prepared to experiment and we try Karezza for two to three weeks and then have a week of hot and heavy sex to comare. I'd like to think that she would be open minded enough to give it a go. After all she still wants for us to be lovers. It was the 'relationship' rather than me that caused her the problems.
No MO - round two
I have abstained from MO since the breakup. Although I wasn't using porn (now given up for 9 months+ ) I found myself slipping back into the habit of daily, sometimes twice a day orgasms. We would have sex many times in a night and orgasm 3 times was no uncommon for me. As such my libido was raging. I was actually finding it difficult to concentrate at work. My mind has been a bit all over the place due to the break up emotions but it's nice to remove orgasm and sexual desire from my mind at the moment. I will get to one month as a minimum. I really never thought I would be consciously deciding to abstain from O. That reboot really taught me a lot about my sexuality.