Hello everyone, sorry for the long post but I'm lost and don't know what else to do so please bear with me. A bit of background info:
I saw porn for the first time at age 10, and have been watching it on and off ever since. At first it was just whenever I had an opportunity to, then when my family got a computer at around age 12-13 I watched internet porn every chance I got. This went on sporadically through high school until I got my own laptop at 18. Then it was game on. I became horribly depressed, to the point of contemplating suicide, and yes, porn was "there for me" every day. I lost my virginity at 19, but I remember having trouble getting it up. I thought it was due to anxiety. If only I knew then what I know now! My first long term gf and I had sex regularly, and porn use went down. ED didn't seem to be an issue for a year or two, probably because I was having sex instead of pmo'ing. But for a few months while I was away at college and lonely, my porn use really began to escalate. When we broke up for good back in August, I was depressed again, and continued porn use. I had no confidence, and suffered embarrassing e.d. with three different girls. I basically just quit trying to connect with the opposite sex over the past year. My friends all think I'm weird or that I'm a "pussy" for not trying to hook up with girls. A close "friend" of mine even thought it was funny and told people in our social circle that I'm addicted to porn and that I "jack off instead of hook up with girls" This only added to my bad enough anxiety. I'm actually a good looking guy, but looking back over the years I now know why I've had such bad luck socially and with potential partners - PORN!!! It has shattered my self esteem for much of my life up to this point, (I'm 22) and thus definitely had a a very negative impact on how people view me. I've been trying to reboot since November, the longest I made it was two weeks; I feel hopeless. This is day 1 no P, day 6 no MO. Yeah... I keep watching porn and edging without orgasm. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to reclaim my life and climb out of this dark hole. Thanks in advance for reading my story and for any comments.