Need to share the following experience to re balance my life. I hope someone will benefit from this as I did from reading the many interesting posts on this website and other similar websites. This is a long story and I am basically trying to leave a mark, a journal entry of sorts, so many points will be irrelevant to what this forum is about but I am hoping that this webpage will last a few years and may help someone.
What you can expect is the story of a boy who discovered porn and orgasm at age 8 and became a social recluse due to porn addiction with up to 15 orgasms a day. Then started drugs and almost got kicked out of university. This story ends happily with him experimenting and discovering different methods that seperate porn, drugs, ejaculation, orgasm and masterbation and results in ideal meditative and energetic life states. The bottom line is masturbation is good porn is bad and the only place to go after you hit rock bottom is the top!
I am a 24 year old male. A brief illustration of my experience with masturbation, orgasm, ejaculation, porn and drugs is as follows:
From 8 to 16 Years old
Experienced orgasm for the first time when I was 8 years old by accident while playing with a back-massage vibrator. What is relevant here is that I started using vibrator/s to orgasm 2/3 times a day since till the age of 14/15.
Watched porn for the first time at 9 years of age.
Reached 10-15 porn,masturbation,orgasm events a day and this continues till the age of 16.I use porn, fantasies, imagination. I really -enjoy the orgasm for the sake of orgasm at this stage. I want to orgasm as fast as possible to save time in order to continue concentrating in whatever I was supposed to do. I start masturbating to orgasm as soon as a thought pops into my head for whatever reason, no self control.
I unconsciously learn dry orgasms using pc muscles at this stage.
I am not so drained after orgasm/ejaculation but am very happy with this type of sexual experience. Did not share my porn/orgasm part of life with anyone ever at this stage, actually this post will the first time I am sharing it. I was popular in school, played guitar for school, sports, extra-curricular, etc. Very confident and smart personality.
Age 16 to 18
At 16 years of age, I get into a relation with a girl and we dated for 3 years. We dont participate in sexual intercourse but everything else is permissible so we experiment alot. I enjoy the physical relation and start noticing an increase in the time I take to orgasm. I enjoy this prolonged sexual experience before orgasm for the first time at this stage. I discover orgasm may not be the aim atall as there are other experiences to enjoy. I am still watching porn once in a while but its only a trickle as I am enjoying talking to her on phone/ dates , etc.
I forget about dry orgasms till I become 23. I start smoking cigarettes at 17.
At 19 - First Year University
At 19, I go away to university far far away. We do long distance. I get very studious and concentrate on my academics. Porn takes over my life. I watch alot of porn. This stage I believe the porn industry matured into the new digital online era that it is today and l am captivated. My grades are good. Long distance with girlfriend becomes sad and depressing as we just miss each other and I do not make lots of friends as I am either studying/watching porn/crying over the distance with my gf. Very poor social life contradicting my highschool popularity.
At 20 - Second Year University
My gf goes to another university. We continue long distance but fight alot making the relation a drain. Grades are very good. I watch alot of porn. Want to and fail to friends.
At 21 - Third Year University
I break up with girlfriend due to our relation being a drain as we are hurting each other. I find out only after breaking up that she was already seeing someone else for a year. I go into depression. Grades are getting better and the academic load of my advanced physics and engineering courses start hurting me. I discover marijuana. Start smoking alot. Enjoy studying, porn and music even more. I am producing what I think are good results but grades start to fall although I enjoy studying. I do not care about my grades anymore as I am enjoying my methods. Still no friends or gf and I couldnt care less due to the pot. I Experience Spiritual Awakening through mediation.
At 22 - Fourth Year University
I quit smoking cigarettes in summer break when I am at home with family but start again when I am back in university. Discover how tough it is to quit and easy it is to start and I want to get rid of the habit. Pot takes over my life. I go with "the flow" and believe in my spirtual experience. I Make wrong sorts of guy-friends and start hard drugs like Ecstasy and other mdma types. Porn on the rise as grades fall. Fail my last semester, grades just good enough to let me remain in university and I have to repeat a term. No one but me cares, I contemplate dropping out and not completing the degree.
At 23 - 5th Year University
I am not in control anymore. All negitive experiances with people, I am suspicius of everyone, angry and jealous and other related emotions. I do not have or want any friends/human contact anymore. I cannot even achieve erections properly anymore. I orgasm within a minute and ejaculations leave me drained.
Worst time of my life. No confidence to even get out of the house. Still believe in the spiritual experience somhow. Still watching porn and have 1 min ejaculation/orgasms. I quit drugs, cigarettes start going for 2 hour walks and somehow register in university, pass and graduate, appalling and unheard of GPA though.
1 year passes by with the following exciting deployments and experiments
I force myself to go for 2 hour walks. Join yoga, meditation, prayanama group. Experience spiritual awakening again but this time without drugs, just air. Star sun-gazing.I rediscover dry-orgasms (ability to orgasm without ejaculation I learned as a child). I read up about it and practice it and dry orgasm 15-20 times a day. I am very happy. Increased confidence and control over my life. People do not effect me negativity as much but I still do not like or want human interactions.
I am so satisfied with so many dry orgasms that I stop watching porn and do not masturbate, orgasm or ejaculate for 2.5-3 months straight. Meditation and Yoga on the rise. However, after 2 months I stop caring about anything. I am insensitive to even job-interviews and job opportunities. Nothing drains me but nothing interests me either. I do not care about anything and I become a burden to my family.
I allow meditation to dwindle and stop yoga and meditation. Suddenly sexual thoughts fill my mind. I enjoy these sexual thoughts without touching myself or ejaculating for another month. I start scaring people on the street as I look and feel evil and horny. Finally I watch porn and end up orgasming and ejaculating without even touching myself. This is my first orgasm after almost 4 months. I Feel very very drained after this orgasm, negative emotions return after this orgasm.
After a Month or so of stabilizing, i.e. alot of masturbation, orgasm watching soft-porn (i cannot watch hard porn anymore), I try watching soft porn and not touching myself. I scar people even more as I am always angry, hot and unsettled. Works for a week miserably and then I ejaculate. I sleep well but am drained.
After a month or so, I try watching soft porn and masturbating slowly and stop before of ejaculation. Increased energy and I start body-building, etc to control the energy.Works for a week till I ejaculate. After ejaculating I still feel drained again.
Now. I am masturbating without porn. I use fantasy, imagination and sometimes just masturbating for the sake of masturbating. I am very cool at this stage. Yoga and walks back on track mostly. This results in long masturbation cycle periods without ejaculation (my one cycle lasts about a week and I can masturbate for hours per day within this week cycle). Even if I ejaculate I feel good and not drained. Excessive energy that I divert to body building. I am able to meditate. I am able to meditate while masturbating. My wild Imagination is returning. Indirectly, through my wild fantasies and imagination I use for masturbation, I got the idea to get in touch with some old lost friends. Learning to make friends again. I have started going for movies and coffee with these highschool friends for starters. I am learning how to interact with people properly again and am taking care of my own life and contributing to other peoples life positively.
Anyways, what is needed to stand up after falling through porn and drugs is 1- yoga, 2- mullbandh exercises, 3- breathing correctly, 4-diet 5-meditation and not watching porn and not using drugs. I also dont use any toothpaste fyi. Absenting from masturbation is not a must. Forced celibacy is constraining and that is not what life is about. You should be able to masturbate if you wish to without the world becoming stale. Celibacy because you didnt notice you were celibate is the aim.
Hope this is of use to you. I will be happy to share any details if you want to know more.