Must I surrender in the sense that entirely giving up PMO and especially MO isn't possible for me without bonding? I'm not sure what the point is in going on fighting and watching. I can't force bonding to happen. That not happening then feeds the PMO madness. It can turn into an ugly cycle. Sure, to most people what's the big deal if one MOs here or there. Someone will say try scheduled M. All well and good, except there seems so much to be gained from giving it up entirely. Despite that, the journey inevitably hits a snag somewhere, at one day, one month, or several months. Does it makes sense to live in resistance? This doesn't seem a middle way. Something seems like it must be adjusted and yet I have no idea what to adjust without bonding. That reality makes little sense given the wisdom of finding blissful aloneness before bonding. If that wisdom is wrong, then one has to accept we are partial people and fundamentally needy of others even if not any particular other. Fine, I can accept that. Somehow that doesn't work well for me as a more introverted person. I can contribute greatly to others' lives and enjoy that in many ways. It just isn't enough. A void, however big or small at any moment, is always there. There's got to be something more fulfilling than the interactions I have. Without that, MO will never leave the foreground and fade away and I'm stuck battling the monsters within.
I'm frustrated and tired of resisting things. Flow seems easier. I just can't find mine in just about any area of life. How do I surrender? To whom/what?