I am at my best mood today so my brains is firing away stuff, that I have been trying to write on Reuniting. I had a lot of ideas, so here's one of them.
A few days if not weeks back I have written a little story about the character named Gollum in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. And I think we all have that Gollum personality in us too!
If we are aware enough of how our incessant thoughts run, we can see that there are two different personalities on how our brain works. In our case addicts, we have the addict self and the want to recover self. The battle Royale as I call it begins once we take our conscious effort to choose which personality we want to be. Not that the other personality will not try to show up once in a while, but our efforts will make us more aware on how we should think and feel on different occasions.
Take for example, when I am faced with certain anxiety such as my fear of rejection, before, my immediate reaction was to feel bad about myself, not love and accept myself, then resort to Masturbation almost every hour, with or without porn. I can make myself orgasm as many times as I wanted. But here's where the fun begins, once I am fully satisfied with my orgasms and all that, my wanting to recover self shows up and begins to remind me that this is not the way to recover from my pleasure addiction. It will really quite amaze you once you get to observe how your brain thinks! Then the other part of me would say, oh, this is so good, why let go of it? If you are aware enough, each side will give you reasons as to why stay into that addiction, or why leave. You get confused.
Because we are sane enough, we go to latency, we start to reboot. A few days,weeks and even months of not giving in to our addiction works, however, when faced with another major anxiety, RELAPSE! Why? Because our Gollum self has immediately capitalized on our weak moments, thus we become enslaved with bodily desires. And yet another season of addictions. That's our cycle but we can change that!
Why is it that even during our Latency, and Reboot, we get to RELAPSE. That is because we allow the Gollum to weaken us! How? When we feel anxiety, all negative thoughts run amok. And even our past experiences are being used by Gollum just to make us vulnerable. When in fact, our past already happened, and that it will not change our present situation, but Gollum makes us dwell on it, making us weaker. And when we feel all negative and hopeless, we resort to our pleasuring. For just a short-term escape from reality, we go back to Porn, Masturbation and Reaching lots of Orgasms just to make us feel better. Ergo, our cycle goes back.
That is why, when I started rebooting, I incorporated my reboot with some of the books that I am reading, such as The Secret, The Secret -MAGIC. There I learned to refocus on optimism. To counting blessings. To appreciation of what we have, and no complains on what we don't have. To being grateful for everything we enjoy. To capitalize our thoughts on the positive side of everything. To know what we really want and focus on achieving them.
There is the part in the secret and I quote "What you Resist, Persists"
So instead of Resisting from our PMO addiction, why don't we enjoy our latency? To appreciate and say, Thank You I am RECOVERED and I am enjoying it! Rather than think of I should not PMO. The approach is different right? But the end is the same!
We should all remember that we are in control of what we think, feel and react, and not to be controlled by our Gollum personalities.
We all have to take our conscious efforts to know ourselves, to Love and ACCEPT ourselves, and not beat ourselves up when we aren't doing well. Instead of beating ourselves up, we give ourselves a pat on our shoulder and say, you did well today. We will do better tomorrow.
I hope I did make sense. My brain is quite clearer now, but my tummy is hungry. Lol
Thank you all for the inspiration and encouragement for me to share more
We can control our Gollum!
Stay in Love and Acceptance of Oneself