The Gollum Inside My Head

Submitted by Aimee717 on
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Hello Everyone!

I am at my best mood today so my brains is firing away stuff, that I have been trying to write on Reuniting. I had a lot of ideas, so here's one of them.

A few days if not weeks back I have written a little story about the character named Gollum in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. And I think we all have that Gollum personality in us too!

If we are aware enough of how our incessant thoughts run, we can see that there are two different personalities on how our brain works. In our case addicts, we have the addict self and the want to recover self. The battle Royale as I call it begins once we take our conscious effort to choose which personality we want to be. Not that the other personality will not try to show up once in a while, but our efforts will make us more aware on how we should think and feel on different occasions.

Take for example, when I am faced with certain anxiety such as my fear of rejection, before, my immediate reaction was to feel bad about myself, not love and accept myself, then resort to Masturbation almost every hour, with or without porn. I can make myself orgasm as many times as I wanted. But here's where the fun begins, once I am fully satisfied with my orgasms and all that, my wanting to recover self shows up and begins to remind me that this is not the way to recover from my pleasure addiction. It will really quite amaze you once you get to observe how your brain thinks! Then the other part of me would say, oh, this is so good, why let go of it? If you are aware enough, each side will give you reasons as to why stay into that addiction, or why leave. You get confused.

Because we are sane enough, we go to latency, we start to reboot. A few days,weeks and even months of not giving in to our addiction works, however, when faced with another major anxiety, RELAPSE! Why? Because our Gollum self has immediately capitalized on our weak moments, thus we become enslaved with bodily desires. And yet another season of addictions. That's our cycle but we can change that!

Why is it that even during our Latency, and Reboot, we get to RELAPSE. That is because we allow the Gollum to weaken us! How? When we feel anxiety, all negative thoughts run amok. And even our past experiences are being used by Gollum just to make us vulnerable. When in fact, our past already happened, and that it will not change our present situation, but Gollum makes us dwell on it, making us weaker. And when we feel all negative and hopeless, we resort to our pleasuring. For just a short-term escape from reality, we go back to Porn, Masturbation and Reaching lots of Orgasms just to make us feel better. Ergo, our cycle goes back.

That is why, when I started rebooting, I incorporated my reboot with some of the books that I am reading, such as The Secret, The Secret -MAGIC. There I learned to refocus on optimism. To counting blessings. To appreciation of what we have, and no complains on what we don't have. To being grateful for everything we enjoy. To capitalize our thoughts on the positive side of everything. To know what we really want and focus on achieving them.

There is the part in the secret and I quote "What you Resist, Persists"

So instead of Resisting from our PMO addiction, why don't we enjoy our latency? To appreciate and say, Thank You I am RECOVERED and I am enjoying it! Rather than think of I should not PMO. The approach is different right? But the end is the same!

We should all remember that we are in control of what we think, feel and react, and not to be controlled by our Gollum personalities.
We all have to take our conscious efforts to know ourselves, to Love and ACCEPT ourselves, and not beat ourselves up when we aren't doing well. Instead of beating ourselves up, we give ourselves a pat on our shoulder and say, you did well today. We will do better tomorrow.

I hope I did make sense. My brain is quite clearer now, but my tummy is hungry. Lol

Thank you all for the inspiration and encouragement for me to share more
Stay positive
We can control our Gollum!
Stay happy
Stay in Love and Acceptance of Oneself



I needed this. It's very true about the relapse. I just blogged about my relapse and you couldn't have been more on point.
Every day I'm going to say " Thank God I'm not addicted to PMO


I think your statement is wrong...
Your statement must be positive and not related to what you are resisting...
So better say

Thank God I am in Control!!!

You are most welcome!

I really thought this would be the great idea about the LOTR reference, one of the greatest movie ever!!!!
But that is how our mind works, schizophrenic people are like gollum. The only difference with sane people is that we aren't verbally saying the conflicts in our brains. Unlike schizophrenics, they are so verbal about their hallucinations, that people then consider as insane. The personalities in a shizophrenic person are conflicting thoughts and personalities of that person itself. It's just that they aren't in control of the personality shifts!

Thanks thanks for +100 points!

Keep in mind

that stress actually changes the neurochemistry of your brain...making relapse physically easier. In other words, even if you're trying your hardest stress stacks the cards against you. That's why support and self-care are vital during stress.


You are so correct marnia!

You are so correct marnia!

Stress changes not only the neurochemistry of our brains, but also of our bodies! I think the way to go against stress is not really consider them as stress, but rather, some tasks to be done and completed. That they aren't be taken so personal or will not define who we really are (which is every person's tendency). We have this tendency to perceive things as if they define WHO we are! To relax and to stay positive, and even if there are instances when things are really difficult, to see it in the POSITIVE light will do wonders than seeing it in a negative light.

The VICTIM mentality, will really come out if we allow negative thoughts to sway us.

Support groups and self care is really vital during stress, because with that we are able to see other options to solving one's problems. We can also hear other suggestions and avenues as to how we deal with our stress.

Thank you everyone and have a great day/night! wherever we are in the world

We are happy
We are positive