I started writing this as an addenum to my last blog post and then decided that it was substantial enough to be a blog post in its own right.
I recently told my wife that I would like to stop using condoms. I did not force the issue, I just stated a preference and told her why. I often lose my erection right after putting on the condom and then have to work to get it back again (usually by fantasizing). If you believe that the penis has its own intelligence then mine is obviously not happy to be in a condom.
The other reason that I want the condoms to go away is that I believe my wife started losing interest in sex when we started using condoms. We started using them after our second child. We did not want to get pregnant again, but were not ready yet for a vasectomy so we used condoms. In the time since then my wife has gotten an IUD installed, and I have had a vasectomy, so the condoms are redundant. Since the condoms came in, her interest in sex has declined steadily.
I have brought the subject up a couple of times before and both times she insisted that the condoms must stay. She had three primary reasons. We discussed them all again this time.
Her last pregnancy experience was so bad that as far as she is concerned the more birth control the better. However, I think that is being very fearful. I have been tested twice and there is no sperm in my semen. I will get tested every year if she wants me to. It is no big deal. She agreed that condoms are not really required for birth control, but ...
She likes the added lubricant. On this one I understand where she is coming from, but I think she is wrong. Since her last pregnancy there has been quite a bit of friction when I enter her. Honestly, I was forced to learn ejaculation control for that reason alone. She was tight and if I did not take my time, relax and pause when required I would never make it in without going off. I think the tightness was rather embarassing for her. She attributes it to the pregnancy, and she is probably right in a way. I am sure that there is a lot of dense and fearful energy stored in her sexual organs from the trauma that she went through. However, the baby was born by emergency C-section. There was no damage to the vagina. Also, once I am actually inside she tends top relax and become very well lubricated. Thus, I do not think lubricant is a problem for us.
And, I do not think that the condoms help. In fact, they make it worse. One time I accidentally entered her without a condom on. It was one of those things where I just happened to be lined up and slipped right in. There was no resistance from the vagina at all to my naked penis. I said whoops, pulled back out, put on a condom and tried to go back in. All of a sudden there was resistance. Until recently I though this was a matter of mind control. When I accidentally slipped in she had no time to anticipate and tense up. However, now I am thinking that perhaps her vagina does not like the condoms either. Again, this only makes sense if you beleive that the vagina has its own intelligence. I am starting to believe that it does.I also told her that I would rather feel her than the inside of a condom. She made no attempt to argue against that.
The last point is that she likes the fact that that condoms catch the semen so she does not have to worry about it getting on the bed. I told her that I do not intend to ejaculate very often so that is a remote concern. She smiled at that one but did not reply. She knows that I have decided not to ejaculate very often any more but she has yet to see the proof. Her trust in this one will just have to come in time.
LIke all of our recent discussions on sex there was no agreement reached. We talked very calmly about it and then let the subject drop again. There is no need for me to force the point or insist on an overt agreement. Actions speak louder than words anyway, and I have a very simple strategy that I will employ here.
WARNING - TRIGGERING MATERIAL
Each time that we make love I will allow the head of my penis to come in contact with the opening of her vagina as often as possible. I think this will really help to get the lubricant flowing. I will also allow the head to slip inside with no condom. It tends to want to do this anyway :)
END OF TRIGGERING MATERIAL
If she insists that I pull out and put on a condom then I will. I will not allow a disagreement about condoms to impact on our connection during sex. However, I have a feeling that she will not insist. Some part of her will scream "we need a condom!!" and some other part will say "oh, shut up you. I am enjoying this." At least, that is what I hope will happen.
I think it is very telling that she allowed this discussion to end without making a firm statement that the condoms must stay. She has done that every other time that we have discussed this issue. So, we will see. I think that our love making will be much deeper and smoother without the condoms.
Just for the record, to any man out there who is now thinking that condoms suck and he should stop using them, I will remind those men that I have had a vasectomy. I have no sperm in my semen. If you are not prepared to have a child then be responsible!!