Day 15 no PMO or MO (Are people who prefer rough/aggresive sex injured people?)

Submitted by warriorfreedom on
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Today is day 15 of no PMO or MO of this current reboot. I feel pretty good, although I have had some weird revelations pop into my head today. I was sitting here thinking how I would love to go out and have sex with a girl tonight, and then I started thinking "oh no, that's not a good idea, you need to stay away from that." I then started thinking to myself, sex is human nature and I feel like I am telling myself to deny my "man chemistry," which does not feel right to me. I understand why this is not a good idea to go out and have sex at this time because it may be too soon in my reboot, but at the same time, I don't want to be one of those people who starves themselves of sex because they feel it is bad. I love sex and I love "making love" even more! I am still waiting to find a woman that I can potentially fall in love with, and eventually make love with, but until then, I still have sexual feelings and I don't want to deny them or make them "something that doesn't work for me."

I once mentioned to a councilor I once had my concern over the type of sexual content that I was attracted to (stuff that leaned toward the darker sexual stuff). Her reply to me was "maybe that just what you are into, and you don't need to see it as a bad thing, it's just what you are into sexually." She also said that she councils many men who have the same concerns and just because they are into darker sexual things, does not make them wrong or bad for preferring that. I have been thinking those words she said, and I am starting to wonder... Why should what I am sexually into be considered "wrong or bad" if I am not hurting anyone and it is just what sexually excites me, and many other people in the world? Are all the people in the world who prefer rough, dominating, aggressive, or sadistic sex injured people?


I dunno

But I find this passage from The Brain That Changes Itself really intriguing:

Robert Stoller, M.D., a California psychoanalyst, did make important discoveries through visits to S&M and B& D  (bondage and discipline) establishments in Los Angeles. He interviewed people who practiced hardcore sadomasochism, which inflicts real pain on the flesh, and discovered that masochistic participants had all had serious physical illnesses as children and had undergone regular, terrifying, painful medical treatment. “As a result,” writes Stoller, “they had to be confined severely and for long periods [in hospitals] without the chance to unload their frustration, despair and rage openly and appropriately. Hence the perversions.” As children, they consciously took their pain, their inexpressible rage, and reworked it in daydreams, in altered mental states, or in masturbation fantasies, so they could replay the story of the trauma with a happy ending and say to themselves, This time, I win. And the way they won was by erotizing their agony.

In other words, their BDSM activities weren't innate. They were brought about by influences in their environment, which caused plastic brain changes which they chose to reinforce with their adult behavior.

The question I have is, "Did their tastes escalate?" That's what happened to Kinsey. He was into SM and warned his staff that escalation could happen quickly. I don't think it led to his satisfaction, BTW. He badly injured himself just a year before his death by tying a rope around his testicles, attaching it to the ceiling and jumping from a chair. Ouch.

I definitely do not think people should feel guilty about their sexual tastes, but I don't agree that those tastes are always beyond our conscious ability to rewire if we want something different. Nor do I think we should just blindly follow them wherever they lead. I tried that. Wink

Also, after years of listening to you guys, I don't agree with the sexology dogma that says, "All sex is good sex." and "You should just escalate to your heart's content because that will lead you to satisfaction." For many people, that advice leads right over a huge cliff (escalation and addiction). The result is the very opposite of sexual satisfaction.

I guess my advice would be: Remember you're the captain of your ship, assess your results and your satisfaction honestly, steer for the results you want, and then correct course if necessary.

And keep in mind that although we humans think our sex drive is there to bring us pleasure, it's real purpose is genetic immortality - not our happiness. So if you don't want to end up driven by a "gene machine," blindly calibrated to pursue the next hottest thing regardless of its effect on your sensitivity to pleasure, you have to remain observant and think for yourself. Be cautious about blindly following anyone's advice (mine included).