Hi everyone,I'm new here,just found the site...really glad i did!
So basically porn and over masturbation has ruined my life completely.I'm 27 and iv'e been single for over 5 years.recently (the last 12 months or so - i say recently because this addiction started when i was like 18) iv'e really accepted and acknowledged how much my addiction is affecting me.i isolate,have been diagnosed with major depression and generalised anxiety disorder.i basically have nothing in my life apart from my immediate family,no hobbies outside of the house,i have some friends,but because of my addiction and depression and anxiety,i pretty much only leave the house if i have to.which sometimes can be weeks at a time without leaving my property.my story starts here:
When i was 12,i had a problem with my foreskin not retracting (i hope that's the word for it?) properly,so i had to be circumcised.i think this had a huge effect on me,right at the start of puberty.since then iv'e always thought my penis was ugly...and disfigured,it doesn't look "normal" the head is rough/cracked..much more noticeable when erect,and i hate it...iv'e never been comfortable with it,through research iv'e discovered this is not uncommon for circumcised men,it did give me some comfort knowing I'm not some rare case/freak.but it still didn't even come close to giving me closure/peace of mind.
Through high school and early adulthood i had several girlfriends,never comfortable with my penis....getting oral sex or having my GF explore my penis fully was very uncomfortable for me could never really 'relax' and just enjoy it because i was so ashamed and embarrassed of it....i had one long term relationship that lasted like 4 years...no girl has actually ever said "whats wrong with your dick!" or anything like that,still i can't seem to let go of the low self esteem issues i have around my penis.iv'e even been to a doctor about it,who as well said it was "normal",but...i want a smooth shiny glans...like most guys have.
with porn...there's no judging,your alone and can feel completely relaxed and escape into fantasy..this is the reason why i loved porn so much...i could 'be me' and not worry about feeling so self conscious about myself.without boring people going on and on about the rest of the issues iv'e had,i know i have to get this sorted ASAP...im not getting any younger,im a handsome guy,never had any problems when i was younger with meeting girls...now it just seems impossible...every day i feel like crap,from the depression symptoms,i have anxious bouts every day...on my "bad days" i lie on the couch all day feeling as if im waiting to die,im in therapy (only been twice) i have not told her about the porn/masturbation yet.i think for me...the porn/masturbation thing is my main issue here,iv'e tried to stop before,but i have intense cravings after not even 1 day,the most i have ever gone is 2 weeks...last week i got to 4 days....then had the worst 2 days ever,felt utterly horrible lethargic,anxious...just a really weird feeling,general malaise etc.then i had a porn binge,the next day felt O.K again...so those 2 bad days were obviously withdrawals? i just felt really anxious for no reason,irritable,lonely...i think to myself A LOT "i'll never have a GF/wife...never have kids...who could love me?"...so all of this is just a vicious circle that is controlling my life...im truly addicted because i use porn as an escape....it's honestly the only thing i get any pleasure out of anymore.so im on day 4 now....does anyone have any advice? how long should i go without masturbating? and are withdrawal symptoms normal? if so how long can they last and what experiences have you guys had? this is the FIRST time iv'e ever admitted this in such detail about my life story/addiction issues..so please go easy on me.because as you can imagine it's very embarrassing,i love life and women...i just want (and deserve) a normal decent life...and im willing to do whatever it takes to overcome this horrible stage of my life and move on..sorry for the massive rant LOL.but yeah....give me some feedback on what you guys think,has the porn and masturbation caused me to socially isolate and become depressed and have anxiety? etc...thanks for reading.