First just a bit of background. I'm 21, (despite what my username says, I was really insecure at the time of creating my account, I didn't want to give any real info, that's not my real name either) and discovered I have a major porn problem January of 2012. For the past year, I have been attempting to quit masturbation and porn. 22 days was my record till March, and from march to October I relapsed many times, with the average abstaining period being 1 week. However, since the very first day of November until now, I have been porn* and masturbation free, I have definitely experienced benefits, I am more social and A LOT less anxious than before. I feel really strong mentally and feel I am on the verge of turning my life around (already have in some ways). I have never been intimate with a woman, but that doesn't bother me so much now, my thinking is a lot more positive. I shared that fact with someone close to me, and since then I no longer feel ashamed.
The reason I put an aestrick next to porn was because I am not entirely sure I have been porn free. I have certainly not watched any, but the god damn fantasies are so hard to keep out of my head, and I try very hard. There are about 5 porn videos which i found very stimulating during my porn days and those videos seem like they will haunt me forever. The amount of stimulation is so great that letting an image from those videos into my head for even half a second is enough to get me horny. I never let these images stay in my ahead for more than 1-2 seconds, but they just keep finding their way back and it gets me thinking that I am hindering my progress and relapsing by doing so. The red X as well as another technique have worked to a certain extent, but all it takes is 0.5 seconds for my penis to get erect. Is this normal/part of the recovery?
Maybe the fact that I've never been with the real thing has something to do with this, that my brain doesn't know other options, maybe it's time I really make an effort to meet a girl..Idk, any thoughts?