Why Don't I Do What I Know I Need To Do?

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Submitted by dontgiveup on
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Just finished a couple of days of looking after my little daughter, finished some work this afternoon and was looking forward to going to a social dance tonight but when I got there the anxiety and tiredness got to me and I turned around and drove home.

The thing is I knew what I really needed at that moment was to socialize, but I don't know... I guess the tiredness got to me, and the fear of not fitting in... I didn't give myself a chance to find the healing I needed.

Well, 12 days since PMO. No real struggles this time as long as I keep dancing. I've been going to lessons four nights a week... just missed the social tonight.


This frame of mind will pass

The over thinking, the negativity, the analysis. I've at times hated myself for not doing something. Sometimes the thing was so insignificant, but I would blow it up and hate myself for it. It reflects a negative mindset. Trust me friend, this will lift in time. You're doing well. Do ANY type of activity. It doesn't HAVE to be social. Call a friend. That's pretty helpful. Text a friend. Go for a short walk. Hit the coffee shop and people watch or read a book you enjoy. Work with yourself. If you're not already accustomed to socializing, then take it slow. You might not always be able to socialize, but you can always just be around people - go to a public place, window shop, go to Best Buy and try out the new technology/computer/etc. See what's out there. Anyway, hang in there. Day 12 -25 is hard, but it can vary. You'll have hard days throughout this period. Keep on though. Don't beat yourself up. You really are doing fine. Always remember to try and practice self-compassion- it's a surprisingly effective motivator.

Marnia wrote:

[quote=Marnia]When's the next one?[/quote]

It's a monthly social. There are some other smaller events I can go to during the week though.

Thanks getmeout, I'm going for a workout later today and will do some meditation after that so hopefully I can keep the cravings at bay. I know from my own personal experience that nothing can ease the cravings like dancing. I've been filling the gap with all of these other solo activities all of my life but what I really need is to connect with someone. That's why dancing is so perfect for me. I'm surprised everyone doesn't do it!

A few fantasies as I woke up this morning and cravings pretty bad. I might need a few cold showers today brrrrrr ! :)

What your goal?

To socialize?

Why dont you start of with a smaller less overwhelming goal instead of social events where there could be pressure? e.g Try making small talk with your colleagues,friends etc ? Then when your confidence increases you will find it easier to do the same at social events.

Thanks for your advice

I work by myself so I don't have colleagues and my friends are the people I learn to dance with. It's just this time I didn't know anyone who was going to the social(people still on holidays) so I would of had to fend for myself. I've done it before and always meet nice people but this time I chickened out.

Last night was really tough. I couldn't get to sleep until about 4:30am but I finally managed to focus my mind enough to do some deep breathing and meditation. I kept a candle lit all night which gave the room a more sacred atmosphere and made me less likely to indulge in these cravings.

During the night there was a bit of swearing, a midnight snack or two, a few prayers to the universe, and even a walk down to the lake at 3am in the morning.

I feel like I have passed a test. I made it through the night with a mind that wouldn't calm down enough to go to sleep, with a body that just wanted to gyrate and a heart that wouldn't stop aching... but I stayed away from PMO, woohoo!

I feel a lot stronger for the fact that after a sleepless night I was able to lie still and meditate. A cold shower in the morning helped kick-start the day too. I almost feel ready for the next challenge.