Hi Marnia et al,
Just bought the book and love it, and have been reading your articles and blog posts voraciously.
I'm at 25 days without orgasm, the longest time in over 10 years since just before my wife and I were married. My goal is 30 days. This was by choice as I wanted to experiment with how this would affect my mood, focus on my wife in other ways, spiritual development, etc.
My wife O'd about 10 days ago. Then this past weekend we just kind of lost it and spent 9 hours total making love, no orgasm, but lots of edging. It was awesome but left us both exhausted due to sleep deprivation. I felt jumpy and anxious, like having had too much coffee. So we cooled it down for the last couple of days. Then this morning we woke up and started getting heated, just some kissing, and breast touching/kissing. FIRE!!! It's crazy, we can't keep our hands off each other.
I don't like this! I feel extremely aroused and loving toward my wife, but jittery. There is defnitely sexual tension that is causing discomfort. My wife feels the same, as she has recently decided to join me to go to 30 days without O. But this morning she says to me that she wants me badly but we'd better set some boundaries like no hugging in bed, as that just opens the box. I completely agree with her. But I find this really frustrating. What is happening is that we're getting so charged up for each other that it seems the only way to control it is to keep our hands off each other. We can't lie down and kiss or that will lead to more. Can't hug in bed or that will lead to more. Probably can't even snuggle on the sofa as that will lead to more. I love snuggling and being close, but it seems so difficult to just do this without it leading to more. And I'm afraid that my wife will pull away and we will be less affectionate in order to gaurd against the raging fire that always seems to be smoldering. I'd love to engage in more bonding behaviors, but it seems like we can't do that without getting out of hand. Which leads to further feelings of neediness and longing because I'm not getting the affection I crave. And then the feelings of needing affection get blended in with the feelings of sexual desire.
Do you think we're still experiencing some hormonal chaos from the intense edgy behavior from 3-5 days ago? It's confusing as hell. I will admit that last week, before our edgy weekend, I was feeling pretty balanced. In fact, as I look back, week 1 was difficult (intense mood swings and desire), weeks 2 & 3 were much better, and now I feel unbalanced and jumpy.
Help, need some perspective!