The Weekend

Submitted by 23 on
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If free time is the devil, you can imagine how much I am looking forward to the weekend... In the past there has been a very clear pattern: I committed to abstaining on Monday, during the week I'm fine but on the weekend I relapse after which I binge because I promised myself it was going to be the last time and I am going to quit, once and for all, next Monday...

I've been in this cycle for a few years now and it's amazing that, still, every weekend I honestly believe it is going to be the last time. If I was an outsider and I had observed my own behaviour in the past few years I wouldn't bet half a penny on that person being able to quit. Yet, in my head, I'm pretty confident it's going to work out this time. I think, somehow, this is my animal brain negotiating with my rational brain on how the latter can justify what the former is craving...

Whatever it is, it's not going to happen this time. Not this weekend!

I'll keep you posted...


Good luck 23!!

Good luck 23!!

I find that once I get past two weeks, I can handle things much better. The other thing I do without a doubt is when the craving for PMO smacks me in the head, I run like mad to the gym and do some kind of aerobic workout which kills if for the rest of the day. Meditation helps too but the gym is nice if thoughts intrude as they can. The other thing is to not put the alcohol (computer, DVDs etc) in the house. Just one little look and the next thing I know I am staring at a video.



Tnx Woody,

I've also found that exercise and meditation help. Especially because after a few days (its only day 5 now) I really feel restless... It's like I can't sit still and then exercising is the perfect solution!

The thing about not putting the alcohol in the house I also agree on. The problem is though that I need my computer and the internet for work, I wouldn't be able to function properly anymore if I couldn't access the internet (actually, I'm kind of pushing it here at the moment: feeling restless, home alone, behind my computer on the internet... I'm quickly going to shut it down after this post :)).

The rule I came up with to solve this problem was that I refused to take my laptop into my bed. As a student (I only recently graduated) I had the bad habit of watching movies and series in my bed (especially after a heavy night) which often was the trigger for me to surf the web for other 'entertainment'... Avoiding the laptop in bed situation has helped a lot.

Btw, does the restlesness go away after two weeks? Or do you learn to live with it? I have trouble sleeping... :s

Hey 23!

Hey 23!

Sorry I took so long to reply.

Couple of comments to answer your question.

After two weeks, the restlessness gets progressively better. I get a lot of benefits like confidence, calmness and positive mind set. All of the benefits really outweigh the initial blah of getting started and I realize how bad PMO messes up so many things. In fact, I can perform my job or relate to people on a totally different is really amazing.

I have been trying to be really strict with myself and when I see a tempting image acknowledge that hey that looks interesting but then dropping it. I tell myself that images I see produce chemistry in my body. The longer I look, the stronger the chemistry that is produced. The chemistry then creates a feeling that I need more, just a little bit more, which inevitably is a slippery slope to the porn channel.

Regarding the computer in the house, try to download and apply K9 / Bluecoat filtering software - its FREE! Set it up to prevent porn from coming up on your computer. Either give the code to a person you trust or lock it away somewhere separate from where your computer resides. Do keep the code because you may need to fine tune the filtering based on the type of work you do.

I avoided doing this (K9) for quite a while and realized that after any orgasm the chaser is so strong that I will crash and burn very quickly if the computer is not locked down.

I wish my will power were enough but it is not. The extra hassle to go out and get the code usually allows me to get back in my right mind.