Best tips on REPLACING?

Submitted by breath on
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I'm looking for what REPLACEMENTS work for others...
while we may have different concerns, most here do want sometype of change in theirs lives..

I put stock in the idea that if one wants to change ones behaviour that mere abstinence is not a solution - THERE MUST BE A NEW FOCUS - AN ALTERNATIVE WHICH WILL REPLACE THE UNDESIRED HABIT.

Abstinence alone might even aggravate or magnify or give weight to what we feel is an undesired habit or such. Counting the days of 'not doing' - watching the clock becomes the goal as opposed to something great. Many may argue a means to an end, and sacrifice for a goal. but i look for that solution which is easy, wholistic, natural, fun etc.. (notice i wrote 'easy'- not easiest as in most familiar bad habit)

in my case i quit porn use completely. I am convinced that cold turkey, quitting %100 was the way to go... simply put porn didn't exist for most of humankinds existence!!!! and it was never needed !!! - so I should not require it. !!! The habit was just that - a habit. !!!

Since my goal was to quit EXCESSIVE masturbation and get better erections with my wife, masturbation occasionally, during periods of a few days when we are not going to have sex, is OK by my current judgement. Then I try to make it happen without the 'too perfect' stimulation (as i think of it) that only I can do.. a different grip etc. I have used a latex sleeve. In my experience the latex sleeve is lame compared to my wifes pussy ( in spite of what the ads say) so there is no concerns that i'd get hard for the sleeve and not the real thing. Quite the opposite !

Whether it's jogging reading cleaning working.. what works for others?

Anyway i'd like to hear what others top replacement solutiions to various problems are??????


Are u asking whether I've read what others have written?

Yes. ... and maybe this is only my interpretation. or projection on what other folks are saying but I do feel like there is a theme of guilt/regret which breeds
a psychological debt- which breeds
a hard core abstinence mindset as a form of self punishment

Gary's TED talk is refreshing. i interpret that as
A) here's what's up with your mammalian programming and reward circuitry etc
B c'mon man you can do things differently ! (but don't be hard on yourself)

While I'm refering to porn/ED I'm mainly wanting to separate healthy regret from guilt; habit from understanding and reprogramming

Could you be more specific?

I think you might be right that you're seeing a projection. We're pretty careful not to encourage anyone to act on the basis of guilt.

A period of abstinence can be a choice without the presence of the least shred of guilt.

definately the mods on the site are positive

and wise.
and encourage and offer positive solutions
the guilt (as i percieve it) feels like something which we as individuals (some) create within themselves.

whether it's just my projection or really is real apart of an ingrained cultural lense .. i'm not sure. anyway it'd be only one part of the picture of where an individual is at at a point in time, and what they may be dealing with.

Perhaps there could be construed - a spectrum - ranging from guilt, to regret, to awareness, to hope and ideas , to ultimately a better place. and i imagine human existence to never solely occupying one place of that spectrum. as i have indeed read in a responses progress is probably there even after an obvious failing... Self assesment may be better wondering - am i on the right train heading the right direction? as opposed to how far am i/ how long before i get there?! will i ever make it?! again i maybe projecting but when i read others expressing regret over falling off their plans i feel honesty a protective urge (silly as that might be) but

what he says about will power andyour sub conscious

might answer many things
not just PMO
but i think could apply well to relationship cultivation, which in many ways probably starts inside the individual.
I like what he says especially about embracing the pain. HE EXPLAINS WHY EMBRACING THE PAIN IS IMPORTANT. And that willpower , while important, is a finite resource eventually it gets tired and alone it'll almost certainly fail.
he speaks of reversing the equation from pleasure now and pain later to ,
pain now and GREATER pleasure later...
he points out that when the rebooting is accomplished it's not a huge willpower