A chance for extended Karezza soon, after some advice.

Submitted by EdgingAddict87 on
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Here's the situation:

I'm 26. Have used too much porn in the past. Have never had a relationship, but am relatively sexually experienced - though it has always been with women I have no feelings for and am only moderately attracted to.

At the moment I'm at about 7 weeks without orgasm.

In about 6 weeks from now I'm going to meet a girl I met while on holiday, and will spend a few months with her.

I've never felt so attracted to a woman like I am with her. Her touch gives me butterflies and her smile makes my heart melt.

The most we have done together is kiss, but we both want more. Although we talk about sex, and often I find myself overcome with animal urges when I think of her my rational self wants to take it very slowly, and enjoy karezza like bonding behaviours.

So, I suppose I'm looking for advice on Karezza with a new partner.

My concerns are firstly not losing myself with passion and moving too quickly ... but then I'm also concerned about being too hesitant and feeling emasculated. I think reading the forums here for encouragement and trying to ignore mainstream sexual norms really helps. Are there any articles geared towards first sexual experiences with someone?

Also, are there any specific bonding activities you can suggest? Gentle caressing is great, but I think perhaps if I have some other ideas things will be less likely to get out of control. I don't want us to rip our clothes off straight away. And, when they do come off I'd rather not move straight into explicit sexual acts. Thanks :)



Congratulations on the new

Congratulations on the new relationship!

so glad the hard work had paid off! It's very inspiring to hear your story

As a woman, ( although I can't speak for every woman) I would say just try your best to focus on the energy behind your touch. Try to touch her with loving intent. I know In the past I have loved when a guy has affectionately stroked and caressed my face, held my hand, placed my hand on his heart. The one thing I have not really experienced as much as I would like, although I believe it is very important, are loving gazes - looking into my eyes affectionately. That really says it all. Without that, she won't be sure of your intent or how you feel about her. I guess this one may be the scariest of all because the eyes are very revealing, and sometimes there can be alot of pain reflected in them, or even an absence of any feeling because we have put up strong emotional barriers

The thing I really disliked is what I consider to be selfish touch; when I feel that a guy is touching me for his own pleasure - aka to get off , or also touch that feels invasive like when he's sliding his hand down the back of my pants or pressing his body tightly against mine in an attempt to feel me up. I guess these are the more biololgically programmed behaviors. And it's not to neccesarily say that she wouldn't enjoy these sorts of touches, but they will probably not speak to her heart and most likely speak to her need to fulfill her biological duty.

Don't worry about feeling emasculated. I can assure you that more likely than not, the bonding based behaviors will speak more to her heart and you will appear irresistibly masculine in her eyes.

Have you told your sweetheart

about your desire to take things really slowly? I would recommend that. You might, for example, agree to no sexual touching for the first week, no intercourse for the second week, and so on. If you wand to speed up the schedule after you get together, have a rule that you have to wait 24 hours before advancing to the next step.

You might find these stories inspirational: http://www.reuniting.info/node/7970