I've had to take an unintended vacation from this site because of internet problems. I remember the emotional state I was in when I wrote my first blog entry. I have since managed to attract a new man in my life and all the hardship of the past is forgotten. Negotiating the relationship has been easy because he is a natural leader and I more passive. We just fit together and I don't foresee any major personality clashes. The sexual relationship started sooner than I expected( a month after we met), after a serious conversation about commitment in the early hours of the morning. That first enounter left us both giddy but tired and I can positively say sex is amazing! The second time we had relations it was preceded by an hour of touching which was not goal oriented because I was on my period. He knew it and I thought we were just having fun. There was the right amount of tendernerness that I couldn't help but feel guilty about my hidden ideas of man being a brute beast to be humoured and manipulated. There is an honesty in our relatiosnhip that makes me feel secure in the knowledge that I won't be blindsided. I did suffer pain caused by friction at the entrance of my vagina after wards but what made it better is he agreed to stay inside me for a blissful 20 minutes, we were totally relaxed. When we finally pulled apart I was ready. A beautiful way to start the day and our relationship which I hope will be happy most of the time. We will be spending weekends together when possible and can't wait to try new and better ways of makng love because the tiredness factor is killing the spark.