I have been separated from my wife for over a year now. We were and still are the best of friends and are now trying to reunite and have had very positive couples therapy for the past two months. Our primary reason for separating was a worsening sexual dynamic that basically became mechanical mutual masturbation. Although intercourse was happening very infrequently (every 2-4 weeks) it felt like we were detached and just using each other's genitals to get off. I had become increasingly more impotent likely because of my porn addiction.. trying to fill my cravings between infrequent sex with my wife. Then we just separated and had different partners.. who both she and I had great "honeymoon" sex with but we both still love each other. Needless to say a lot of resentment and hurt and jealousy taints our reconciliation.
We have currently made an explicit agreement to not be with other people but also not have intercourse with each other. She is more comfortable with this because she fears my pressure. I favor it to give her time to reconnect naturally with me. I don't want to push it so to speak. I want her to be happy and feel unafraid. We just started about once a week sleeping in the same bed at her house.. where I rub her feet and back until she falls asleep. This is a major breakthrough because four months ago it made her nauseated just to look at me and the thought of me touching her was inconceivable. I am physically very muscular, in good shape and attractive. She is not repelled by my appearance .. just by the threat or fear of sexual expectation I exude.
I have been practicing "solo" Karezza since I read Cupid's Poisoned Arrow six months ago. A reduction of orgasm has really evened out my personality and craving. Also I have not used porn for five months or more. I don't completely abstain from orgasm. Just markedly decreased it. Like from two to four orgasms a day down to one every two weeks.. which has been no easy task. I stopped for three weeks a couple times but then when I did ejaculate it was very painful.. to the point of my eyes watering and holding back a scream.. so I am afraid to go longer.. at least with "solo Karezza" if there is such a thing.
My current situation with the weekly sleepovers in my wife's bed has left me more sexually charged than I am used to for the past year. On the positive side I get awesome erections.. both spontaneous at night and also with just a little self stimulation. This is in a man that has had ED for fourteen years that ED drugs would only work about half the time. So I am grateful and enthused about the concepts presented in CPA and on this site. On the down side however I am having trouble not just needing to relieve my sexual charge with orgasm now. I don't know if it is just trying to fall back in the pattern with her or she just exudes sexual attraction for me. She is not trying to be seductive at all. The back rub and foot rub is something I do for her and expect nothing back.. but maybe I do. Would it help to have her rub my back first or something .. like an exchange? She isn't yet open to reading CPA .. I have asked if she would but she acts as if it is just another manipulation to try to fuck her.. so I have backed off the book or concept.. not sure if she will ever be open to anything.. so somewhat discouraged at times. Trying to have patience.