As I was watching Diana Richardson's video today (see:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkwMB529Frw) she used a word that triggered me quite powerfully. So I thought I'd write about it and get it out of my system. Perhaps some of you will find my thoughts interesting.
As a quick preface, I'd like to say that I doubt very strongly that Diana used the word with the intentions that I am describing. I see her as someone who shares very strongly my interest in men's healing and most particularly healing our sexuality.
The word was "Impotence". She used it in reference to what happens to men as they age. I don't really like the word at all. It's too loaded with performance based insinuations. It's a word that seems permanent to me and basically pointing to something wrong in the man. It reinforces our idolatry of reproduction, health and youth. It protects the source of the distress and attacks the victim.
Are men who use Viagra impotent? Are men who are addicted to porn and no longer able to take an interest in real women impotent? Are men who are getting tired (physically or emotionally) of the exhausting "Get on, get in, blow yer load and get out" routine impotent? Are men who have been hurt (sexually or otherwise) at some point in their lives and need to fully heal before they can even attempt to occasionally meet the unrealistic expectations of their mates (lust after them non-stop as well as protecting them from their many insecurities, beating the competition, paying the bills and taking care of the kids) impotent? Are men who are chained against their will to their mates impotent?
I'd prefer that we draw attention to our sick culture, how it influences both men and women, how both have been hurt by men and women (often by adults in youth) and start to talk about healing together. I'd prefer that we talk about love, intimacy, relaxation, innocence, playfulness and healing rather than drag in any performance based language at all. I think it is part of the sickness. I'd use the word "hurt" rather than "impotent". How about you?
Thanks for reading my rant. I'm tired of tolerating the many ways in which men get hurt and fail to recognize it let alone stand up for themselves and our healing.