So, just a quick short update that this morning, my boyfriend was willing to stay inside me for awhile without movement, and I was allowed the space to feel energy move up into my chest. I felt a deep sense of relaxation. I told him thank you twice, I felt so grateful for him allowing the space and time for me to respond to him down there.
A few days ago, he thrusted into me while having sex, and at the time, it felt alright, as we were getting kind of heated. Normally, thrusting is a trigger of tension for me unless it is slow and I am first fully "responding" to him with my vagina. Do other women have a similar experience?
While I didn't realize at the time it ended up creating a huge amount of tension in my neck and back. The whole day felt miserable for me, increasing tension that made me feel on edge, cry, and not wanting to accomplish anything. And he was pretty miserable too, because he felt on edge with my sulky behavior and crying. He told me there was a cloud around me of negativity, and I told him that I could have tried to "control" my emotions more by focusing on something else, but I was also trying to not control my tension and create more.
It was a productive experience, because we ended up having a small breakdown and talking about things that haven't been brought to the surface in our relationship, such as the fact that we need to be making more money and I need to be contributing more. There is definitely some imbalances in responsibility and financial stuff that we need to work out.
So, now I am working hard to take care of nonsexual aspects of our relationship that have gone ignored, and sex is becoming more mellowed out. My boyfriend has informally chose to go without orgasms for a few weeks- yay! I'm excited to see what is in store for him and how he feels.
Hope these posts aren't too personal- hard to talk about sex and not share the details :)
Thanks for reading.