Hello, I'm a straight male who suffers from porn addiction, porn induced HOCD, and general unenjoyment of life.
Anything I used to enjoy doing the feeling is now lost because my brain is always instinctively porn even though I don't think about porn.
Here's the thing though, when I think about the guys in porn (straight or gay porn) I start getting nervous and sometimes aroused. However, in real life if I think of myself in a genuine male/male relationship (kissing, sex, etc.) none of that is appealing, arousing, or exciting to me at all, and when I think of women I genuinely enjoy the thoughts but when the thoughts about guys come in which is usually 3+ hours each day because of the porn hocd, I find them intrusive, not pleasant, and generally annoying. It even interrupts what I'm doing. For example, one day I was in school working on a construction project, (cardboard house) and then the thoughts popped into my head and I couldn't focus on the project anymore, along with the usual feelings I mentioned before.
Am I gay? Does this sound like someone's who's gay to you? I desire to raise a family with a women, and my dreams are almost always about women.
I know I'm posting too much but I rarely get any peaceful days where I don't think or worry about this