
I made a choice to quit PMO and testing. A lot went into this.
First 15 days have been hell, but surprisingly, probably the easiest reboot I've had yet (this is my 3rd real attempt).
I think I need to quit internet testing, and probably other kinds of testing. Let this fall away for 3 months and see what happens. Take a chill time-out, as best as I can, considering the difficulties of rebooting. I think it's definitely contributing right now.
Glad to have a loving, snuggly girlfriend. It makes it easier in many ways.
How are you doing, Marnia?
Cheers,
M
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Hi Musician
Glad you've decided to quit testing. That's the core of any OCD affliction after all.
Have you also decided to give up porn entirely, for good? Because if you haven't, you'll soon be rationalizing its use...and--judging from your results to date--what do you think will happen? Whether or not your therapist understands this, you need to. Read this: The Top 3 FATAL MISTAKES Rebooters Make
This is an awesome article
Yes, I've completely given up porn. I'm pretty proud of this. Maybe that's why it's also been easier. Also, maybe because I've tried kicking this twice before. But this time, I've looked at no pictures on the internet - not even Facebook looking, and I haven't read any sexual stories. I don't have a libido, which is easier, but still, I know not to do it. I'm going to be strong this time.
The thing I'm kicking now on day 16 is just looking for HOCD and gay- or-straight related things. And anyway, if I've been this good about porn, this is the next phase, I think. Also, I'm quitting looking up recovery stories online. Everyone's reboot is different, and I can't compare. In other words, internet testing.
My philosophy is that if it doesn't help my recovery, I shouldn't do it, such as all of the above-mentioned things. It's hard, but it's ok.
Since you were last here
this guy put up a story of his lengthy recovery and long flatline. If you're feeling no libido you might find it interesting: ▶ Porn Induced ED Reboot Advice - YouTube
Excellent video
Thanks. This guy's an inspiration.
Btw, quick mention: I've had urges to test when stuff has come up and I've held back. I think I feel better for it
That's how you lay down
new brain pathways, which eventually become as easy to choose as the habitual ones that led to problems.
Did you ever read these pages about Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz's technique for healing OCD? http://yourbrainonporn.com/schwartz-technique-rewiring-ocd
It's good
Little by little, I'm cutting out not only Internet testing, but working on cutting back all rituals. I think it's for the better. We'll see.
Consistency
matters here, so although you should forgive yourself when you backslide, you should also not assume that "gradual" is good.
I'm working on the forgiveness part
I can see it, one moment you're ok, the next moment really severe headaches. I took an Advil today to numb the symptoms, but the dopamine rushes were still there. I'm just being patient and taking time. For example, now I'm feeling better than a few hours ago, but it's still a pain. Ups and downs, ups and downs. Somehow, I do think I'm doing better than before, though.
Withdrawal can be brutal
Did I ever share this link? WITHDRAWAL
I remember this
It's pretty dreadful.
Still, it helps
to know that it's temporary and that you can power through it.
Yes
I hope. For example, today, lots of dopamine rushes and quasi-arousals to guys. On some level, feels alright, but in truth, totally intolerable. I mean guys in real-life, and not on a screen or something. It's a pain.
I'm counting on the no-fap faith here. I'm trying not to pay too much mind to it, and to power through. It's a giant drag though. Aside from feeling down and depressed. Yuck.
It would be nice if
healing and reality could compete with sensitized pathways in those moments of intense cravings. But they never will. That's just how sensitization works.
However, gradually, you can train yourself to realize that they DO pass if you don't act on them. They're temporary neurochemical surges in the brain. You mold your brain by the behavioral choices you make. It can be unruly, but if you are consistent...it will change.
It annoys me
that the porn industry knows this all too well and exploits it to the fullest so as to enhance the addictive qualities of porn images. The systematic manipulation of the reward circuitry to move product (and ensure strong repeat sales) at the expense of the well-being of consumers appears to be an accepted business practice; e.g. fast food, alcohol, cigarettes, gambling, etc. I know that the anti-porn movement doesn't get a lot of sympathy in the media. If anything, they come off as hyper-religious fascists. But it seems that the addictive / destructive nature of high-speed internet porn hasn't gained the attention of the mainstream media channels yet. To wit, when I told my wife I thought I had a problem with porn, she was surprised; she thought all guys use porn, and that it's normal.
I think this is gradually turning around
Gary and I have just attended a conference at which it was becoming clear to disparate groups of experts/researchers that the common language for explaining the risks of porn use (especially to adolescents) is neuroplasticity in response to porn's supernormal stimulation. *fingers crossed* that they really start pulling on the oars!
One of the crappiest recent studies, which also helped mislead the public, was this one:
http://pornstudycritiques.com/uclas-span-lab-touts-empty-porn-study-as-g...
And just yesterday, there was published an official response by a doctor who has also been writing journal articles:
His response: ‘High desire’, or ‘merely’ an addiction? A response to Steele et al.
His most recent article: Pornography addiction - a supranormal stimulus considered in the context of neuroplasticity
This is comforting
to see more and more that it is considered an addiction. I like the use of good science to help us reach more clarity on these issues.
There are still a lot of
sexologists/psychologists who don't buy the hard science, but frankly, much of their skepticism is due to ignorance. Eventually the hard science has to come out on top. Reality is reality. Can you watch this? VOON.CLIP Voon is a leading behavioral addiction expert at Cambridge.
It's scary
Good to know this work is being done. Also good to know there is hope. Glad I wasn't part of this study right now
Nice to hear