It's been a while. Wanted to update on day 60, but I don't think I was ready. Now that I have a question regarding Karezza, I'll update a little.
My girlfriend might leave for the West Coast to do her Masters. Very likely, actually. She'll be gone for 9 months of the year, returning only during Thanksgiving, Holidays, Spring Break, and Summer. I love her very much, but with my reboot in progress, and me being horny eventually (in progress, at the moment, I guess) with no outlet, what can I do? I don't want to watch porn ever again, I don't want to masturbate. Is it possible to wait all that time? Or with karezza, is it possible for both of us to take a karezza partner for the time being, knowing that I intend to be faithful upon her return, and starting a family. The reason I ask is because without orgasm, maybe it changes the dynamics of the situation and decreases attachment. I would plan to be upfront with that partner, and tell her the situation, and maybe it would teach her this practice, and allow me to keep my stability and be less horny. Just someone to befriend and to hug and get my outlet out. I realized this because I got home from work raging horny today, did sweet karezza with her, and it really helped me move on with my day. I'd much rather do this than masturbate, I think.
I did speak with my girlfriend about this, and she is firmly against this right now. If she is against this, I definitely do not intend to do this, and hopefully will not. But I do see this as a potential difficulty, and I was wondering how to go about this. This decision has to be mutual, and if the outcome is "no", I will have to accept it. This is more of a hypothetical question right now, considering that karezza is a different animal than regular sex, and I was wondering if it could be treated differently, if say, the need arose.
About my reboot, it's going ok. I'm having really weird sexual tastes for boys and stuff, but I have no idea if it was conditioned or not. At times, I feel like my brain has two different paths it could take: either the kinky shit or the boring vanilla sex which it used to love, I believe. I don't have an answer, nor am I really looking for one. I kinda am, but definitely not pursuing it. I'm not masturbating or looking for answers externally. It's tough, but I'm waiting and hoping for my real libido to return, to drown out the kinky shit and return to my old manly self, who likely isn't even bisexual (or like 1%, but never even to arousal). I had an orgasm completely accidentally 3 days ago, for the first time in 26 days, so I guess that's kinda good. I'll have to keep at it for a while. Not much more to report, I think.
Oh, and good news - half of my students took prizes in multi-state piano competitions, so I'm really proud of them! And my girlfriend took 2nd prize in her school concerto competition on her violin, so that's great too Lots of changes have been happening these days, not directly related to the reboot, possibly indirectly.