Karezza and promiscuity

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Submitted by cadethefaun on
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So, alot of women I meet lately seem to just want a friends with benefits, take it slow, nothing serious sort of thing.

I believe in exclusivity in dating, but still taking things slow. How can you really know a person, what they're like and if they're right for you if you have other distractions in your life?

And yeah, a lot of these women turn out to be at least somewhat promiscuous....

My question is: Can practicing Karezza/tantric/non-orgasmic/slow sex change a promiscuous person?




I would say that karezza can bring out the best in someone if there's very frequent bonding behavior without climax. Only when people feel safe can they really open up and make true relationship possible. Probably none of them have a lot of experience with this, so they don't see their choices clearly. They've bought what the sexologists have taught them.

Certainly having casual sex with them will almost certainly preclude finding out what they may be capable of in the relationship department.

Can you keep things "light" and just skip the sex for now? Just use all your bonding behavior skills and let your primitive brains connect. The Lazy Way to Stay in Love

I planned on focusing more on

I planned on focusing more on bonding behavior in the future...

And I do remember reading in a Mantak Chia book that promiscuity is caused by weak sexual energy. Because there is weakened sexual energy there is no longer a strong polarity to create the Yin/Yang attraction so a partner may move somewhere else looking for it...

But, what I'm getting at here is I wanted to know if anyone here has any experience or knows someone where using what this site teaches calmed a person down who was promiscuous.

Yes, it has

Were you here when Hotspring was on the forum? She is now married with a child as a consequence of bringing her sexual energy under conscious control and experimenting with karezza.

When she first arrived, she was preaching the wonders of female ejaculation. Smile Eventually she saw that climax made her irritable and dismissive, as well as keeping her relationships churning.

This site is a sanctuary

Every man I've met in the last couple of years since my husband passed away wants to do "free love" (have casual sex immediately). I try to explain that I save that for a bonding lifetime relationship and even then it's a specific karezza type of sex.

I immediately get stereotyped as a clone of June Cleaver who doesn't understand sex yet and must be saved (by them) by getting me to let loose and have fun, free, unrestricted sex. With them.

The only way I can get them to stop thinking they've found the last virgin and to drop their excitement that they will conquer that virgin with their sexually experienced means to impress me, is to start talking, in detail, about the rich, karezza sex I shared with my husband.

Shocked that I can pronounce the word penis and that we actually often started our days with sex, in confusion, they stop trying to be my uninvited sexual adviser and wiseman. And that it isn't a suppressed sex drive, it's that I truly just don't want to have it with *them* because I know what true sexual satisfaction really is.

Then I come here and remember men and women are on the same side, and men also get the values of karezza via their very active sex drives. And many women outside the karezza circle operate just like the men I run into.

Islander, I agree with you

about this site being a sanctuary. I just registered for another dating site . . . going to test the waters . . . and ready to give it a go again after a short splash two years ago that left me drained and averse to dating (and I didn't even meet with any of them!) . . . . I immediately had several send messages they wanted to meet me. Haven't paid to "upgrade" and be able to communicate with them yet. Your note has grounded me again, so I'm bracing and preparing myself for the reality of just what you are describing and I have conveniently forgotten - how difficult it is to talk to these guys, how heavily programmed they are (they cannot even conceive of another reality than the one they know) and the pressure they put on you.

Thanks to you and the Universe for this reminder. I'm in no hurry now. Might just enjoy looking at photos, reading profiles, and dreaming . .. . and let Law of Attraction do the work on the specifics.

My all-consuming interests these days are Law of Attraction, the RV / GCR, ascension, and ET contact. LOL And karezza. I'm a pretty rare bird out there. Best to wear my armour.


that "programming" is an illusion. It's not who they really are. So do your best to "see," and connect with, the unchanging person under the disguise. Some men are actually tired of the shallow game too, and hungry for something deeper. But there are a lot of silly "pick up sites" that teach them not to show any "neediness" around women and to always act like a superstud.

And truly, like it or not, you are also programmed to be looking for those "superstuds," as they spread their genes farther...and your genes want to get onto as many buses as possible to ride into the future. I mention this because the "right" mate for you probably will not fit your image of "Mr. Right" at all...but he will be willing to try these ideas. So go by the latter more than the former, and if someone is open to trying, check in with your inner guidance before concluding "He's not my type."

Personally,  I'm starting to

Personally,  I'm starting to meet a few women here and there who like me because I don't act all macho and perfect. But, then I've learned the only way to truly not be "needy" around women is to make needs known. For example I get disrespected and I say something that may start like "what the f**k...!" and I guess they start thinking, "oh.... a guy who isn't just an ass-kisser trying to act cool so he can get some. Not weak, I think I like him."

Nowadays, I think the main thing with relationships is respect. And then trust. Respect usually leads to trust. You don't have to be a superstud to get it, assertiveness works very well, even if it means you have to be "mean" and show you can walk away. A woman can be totally in love with a man, but if she doesn't respect him, their stock will go down, so to speak. May not happen right away, but it will surely happen. I know because this happened in my last relationship.

And, if she respects him, even if she doesn't like him that much, chances are their stock will start going up.

Shannon, nice to hear from

Shannon, nice to hear from you!

One thing that worked for me one time as far as anything similar to Law of Attraction was to just imagine what it would feel like to be with someone on a deeper level. Then quite quickly I met who would be my future husband. Of the ex-hippie generation and proud of it, he was just coming out of a long-term marriage that had started from "free love" (his early 1970s girlfriend and he had sex, and a baby, then got married.).

By all means it would seem I had another one of "those" guys to deal with. On our first meeting, he asked me out on a real date the next weekend. I told him, "I don't do dating or recreational sex." (At the time, I didn't know karezza, and what I meant to say was that I'd be very affectionate if there was chemistry there, but no "normal" intercourse."

I figured I'd never hear from him again.

But he said, 'I don't expect a thing."

Turned out he was naturally very affectionate and so was I. Also, he had occasional ED from a drug he was given for sadness after his divorce. Though he did want "normal" sex, after we were engaged, we found ourselves doing karezza more and more. And discovering how satisfying it was. We occasionally did conventional sex, but the karezza was the best.

So my point is, neither of us even really knew about karezza but we both knew how we wanted to feel with a new partner. So feel that. Feel someone light up when he sees you and feel yourself holding hands and being affectionate. Someone who knows nothing about karezza might appear and find his way to it via means no one would have ever thought of.

Part of grieving for some people is anger. After he passed, I was angry at the loss, and angry that others were so ready to see me as someone who knew far less than they did about sex. No doubt that anger helped attract the very type of person I want to avoid. If I can remember and feel what a deep relationship would be like again (which has been hard since he passed because up until recently is has triggered more grief), at least the other type of guys might not be as numerous in my circle.

When I come to this site, quite often I read posts from men who either want or have something deeper, and it helps me remember what it could be like, which can help bring it into reality. They remind me this is a desire many men have, not just an anomaly of one person who has crossed over.

What Makes Someone Promiscuous?

I don’t think Karezza is the issue that you need to address. I read your post and the thing that jumps out at me is your pejorative tone towards your potential dating partners. You mention the word “promiscuous” at least three times in a very short post. The first meaning of promiscuous in the dictionary is “immoral”. To classify someone as immoral is a judgment call on your part; so I ask you, what is the defining point that makes these women immoral? If it is having sex with you right away that is very simple, don’t have sex with them. It takes two people to have sex, is the woman immoral and you are not or are you both immoral if have sex with them? These women cannot force you to have sex with them. Simply tell them that you think there may be a connection and you want to get to know them a little before jumping into bed. They may be relieved and happy not to have the pressure of a standard hook up. If they blow you off because you are looking for more than a hook up, fine I agree they probably are just skanks.

What I think you need to worry about before getting to Karezza is a different attitude. If you think your attitude towards these women doesn't show, you are wrong. Unless you are a sociopath, which I certainly don’t believe, most people can read you fairly well after a short time. You get a feeling about someone; why do you think people don’t like some people? Most people can’t verbalize what is wrong, but they know there is a problem. Generally people act the way they think about something. That is one of the reasons nonverbal communication is so important and generally even more reliable than what we say. If you have negative feelings about someone they will likely pick up on that.

In your post on the 27th I like that you use the terms “trust” and “respect”. Those are the feelings that you should have when looking for any type of friendship with another person. Isn't that where you start any relationship? If you want to be liked by someone you need to be open and like them.

You asked, “Can practicing Karezza/tantric/non-orgasmic/slow sex change a promiscuous person?” What I hear in that question is, “Can I make someone to not be what I consider immoral by pushing Karezza, tantric, etc. on them?” The answer is NO on several levels. There is an old psychologist joke, “How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.” No one can change another person; you can enlighten them but they must take that enlightenment and decide to change.

You need to reword your question. “If I share with a person my knowledge of Karezza, tantric, etc. and they willingly embrace those concepts will they enjoy our relationship more and do we have a better chance at having a loving and fulfilling relationship?” That answer is most definitely yes—a better chance, nothing is a guarantee. The reason why is that you are giving them a gift, of knowledge and yourself, and then letting them decide if they want to accept and embrace what you have offered.

From your previous posts I know that you have lived through some bad relationships. Don’t punish future partners for the sins of past partners—I never really understood the logic in the biblical reference of sins of the father being visited upon the sons. You don’t have to put up with crap, but you shouldn't hand it out either just because someone else did it to you. I hope you take what I have said and decide to make a change in your attitude because it makes sense to you. A judgmental person is not usually a very happy person and you deserve to be happy.

Promiscuous is just something

Promiscuous is just something I'm using as a label for undesirable behaviors. For example, my now ex-girlfriend dumped me and started having sex with other guys because I developed performance anxiety "stage fright". Another girl I was seeing during the summer I stopped talking to when I saw her making out with another guy while I was out.

And a more recent girl kissed another guy in front of me. Maybe I should say "extremely disrespectful behaviors" instead of promiscuous. It's just a label to explain things, dude...

What We Say Tells What We Think—Even Subconsciously

It’s not “just” a label; it is a word that means something very specific. You know what the connotation of that word is and I believe you meant to use it. You used the word because you were upset with these women and wanted to lash out at them. I do understand and empathize with you on that. I think you were angry, not illiterate or stupid. The problem is that your world view and antagonism are going to reap the same results again and again. There is a book called “You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought “. I don’t think you need to read it; you just need to think about what the title says.

As I said before, no one can make another person change. The other person needs to want to change, usually after they have had enough pain to finally realize there must be a better way. So I am not going to try to get you to change. I do hope that you think about a more positive way of relating to the women you meet. There are 7.2 billion people in the world; if you meet someone who exhibits “extremely disrespectful behaviors”, don’t get mad just move on to the next one and let it go. When you approach that next person don’t let your last experience dictate the direction of your next.

I understand the idea of "You

I understand the idea of "You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought" but the book and title are a true oxymoron to me. Just saying "You Can't..." is already negative. Just labeling "negative" as an all powerful demon is negative. Finger pointing at other people's supposed negativity instead of seeing the innocence and potential message it may have to share behind the mask is also a very negative act.

But if that kind of book and thought system works for people, then hopefully they'll stick with it. But for others, "negative thoughts" are valuable energy fields that have an innocent and hopeful flip side that have been locked in the basement of the soul and just want to be acknowledged to be set free. It isn't the thoughts themselves, it's the suppression of them and labeling them as wrong that can cause damage. To be told one is acting wrong because they are acting negatively (which is a negative judgement), only potentially increases the implosion. There are other ways. To each his/her own.