Old Flame Reunited thru Karezza. Long Distance too :-/ Any advice?

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my name's Daniel (31) and my ex girlfriend is Katie (28). I live in Belfast, Ireland. Katie now lives and works in London. We were together from 4.5 years until 2008 and broke apart as a result of what I could now describe as sexual satiety and the withdrawl mechanism. Near the end I recall I used pornography as my preferred sexual release; and following our mutual break-up I began to fantasise about bedding other women - a lot of them! (That being said, I deeply mourned the loss of our relationship for almost 3 years, and certainly didn't morph into the Don Juan I imagined)

Still then we have stayed in contact, growing closer again as time went by (she called me every day for a week when my brother died) and while she had another long term relationship in the interim it ended about 2-3 years ago. Lately we have made a point of bonding and enjoy each others company whenever she returns home to visit her family. (Gigs, drinks out, nights in.) In fact often her long weekends pivot around the time we arrange to spend together.

I writing this on the eve of the eve of my travelling to London to see her, go to a concert, go site seeing, dining etc and staying in her apartment on Saturday night (as opposed to finding alternative accommodation). I am filled with anticipation and trepidation about this moment to express my deep feelings for her and my wish to reunite someway, somehow. At the very least I must take a chance to communicate my love for her - before she inevitably finds a partner and commits to him - potentially forever :(

I had a conversation with Katie before Christmas not long after reading "Cupids Poisoned Arrow" and explained a bit about the book. She seemed intrigued by idea I presented that perhaps the average longterm relationship is 4.5 years (her second relationship lasted roughly the same length of time) given that it's the age at which a child is able to function independently without the necessity for two care givers... I also spoke a bit about sexual satiety and it's effects. I'm not sure but she might find the book illuminating. If nothing else it offers her a fresh perspective on the subtle undercurrents of a modern relationship - which are hard enough before you consider being a professional in London.

But what do you think? I should visit her, give her the book to read and share something of how I imagine us being together? I want to show her Love like we have known when we have hugged and held one another in long embrace these past few occasions. I want to be Reunited in harmony with her if she should reciprocate my feelings and wishes to explore a new kind of loving relationship. Slowly over the course of weeks and months... united again. This time for as long as we both shall live.

This brings me to my other Big issue: Unless I can move over to London and find work there to be with her how else can we kindle a Karezza based romance when unavailable to practise the daily bonding behaviours that are said to be so vital? I know what it's like having long distance phone calls from when she studied in England. It's almost impossible to convey the reassurances that comes naturally with physical presence. I think if she is interested at all I will need to up sticks and move to London as soon as possible, as rash and impulsively romantic as that may seem to some. Not so rash given the fact that we've talked about going on holiday to Seattle. How would that fit with having other boyfriends/girlfriends?!

Thank you for reading. Your advice, support or frank criticisms would be much appreciated at this time.





That's a beautiful story. "Where there's a will there's a way," but you may just have to let things unfold at their own pace and wait to see how the openings present themselves.

Just recognize the power of bonding behaviors and employ them liberally - as it sounds like you're doing. SmileThe Lazy Way to Stay in Love

I'll delete your other post, as one is enough. We all see all posts.

You sound very perceptive and

You sound very perceptive and reasonable, t-.

I would share your feelings and hopes with her in a frank, unmistakable fashion. I would broach your openness to moving to London.

Bold moves worked for me.

I changed my work plans: I was due to make an out-of-area transfer, but changed those plans to stay put, as my then girlfriend and now wife seemed to be a 'keeper.' I was the first one to utter the phrase, 'I love you,' to which she quickly reciprocated.

I think it is important to put your best foot forward, even if you experience rejection (I do not sense that would be the case here). I think bold moves on your part will not be surprising or unsettling to her, given your history and the level of your renewed relationship.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And, some opportunities -- like this one -- are of utter import, and warrant active, focused direction, I think.

Best wishes, t-!

kind of a revelation.

thats a wonderful writing, I think you've discovered the true loving. personally i think you're in the right track, but if i were you i would not want to move to London just to initiate Karezza kind of love making and romance. the way and the how she would respond to your new ways may encourage your efforts or discourage them. I think Daniel, it would be prudent to just start the relationship while you still in the places you live in, then go for that Seattle trip and bond more then , it may not be a surprise for her to ask u if she would move to Ireland, or you to London, As Emerson says... "you take a day at a time", and your experience and feelings may not be immediately reciprocated which calls for patience, even after reading all the materials you have read, she may still need understanding from your end. in a nut shell.. Take it slow... Dan Take it slow and your shall see the fruits.. Good luck!!!

Thanks to all who have

Thanks to all who have responded to me. I have logged on tonight in London and your words of encouragement and advice mean the world right now. She briefly spoke of someone she is border-line "seeing" but she doesn't sound too enthused by it. I will watch my steps with her tomorrow and speak when the time comes. I have truths but my heart is guarded, as is hers. But the Seattle discussion would be a good bond builder if the time was right... booked for late Aug/Sept maybe... I must balance my urgence with restraint.

Thanks to each of you