New user here. Stumbled on this site via YBOP and just received the Cupid's Poisoned Arrow book yesterday. I've only read the first chapter and skimmed some others but I feel like a light bulb has been turned on. I just worry it's too late.
My wife and I have been married 9 years. We've been slowly drifting apart and it's all come to a head in the past month or so. She is convinced that she can never be happy with me. I also found out this past weekend she's been talking to a coworker and they both have feelings for each other. I never truly realized how unhappy she's been and I want to save our marriage and our family. She is only looking out for herself right now and is willing to throw away our marriage, our family, our dream house, etc - all because this other guy makes her feel special. She refuses to believe the infatuation she's feeling with him is only temporary. I'm obviously blindsided and hurt, but I owe it to my son and the commitment I made to do everything I can to save our family.
By my own admission, I've not a touchy person by nature. I'm not sure why. I don't recall any traumatic events in my past. I just get this overwhelming 'on edge' feeling whenever someone invades my personal space. This includes my wife unless it's for sexual reasons. That part of my brain takes control and overwhelms the personal space alarms. I have been getting better since my son came along. He's 3 now and I love nothing more than his big hugs or when I comfort him after a bad dream or helping him fall asleep at night. It's made my bond with him stronger than I ever thought I could bond with someone. Looking back, if I had worked on that with my wife all these years, we probably wouldn't be in this turmoil. We've talked about it, but both chalked it up to my personality. If I'm able to truly bond with my son, there's no reason I can't bond with my wife.
I've been reading a lot of 'self help' marriage guides, but I feel like the CPO book has really struck a different chord. All of the testimonials I've read mirror exactly with what she says is missing and I desire to experience a deeper connection with her. I'm just afraid it's too late to get her to commit to trying. I'm afraid her desire for greener pastures is too much for me to overcome. Are there any members who have been in this situation? Should I try to convince her to give these concepts/ideas a chance, or should I start with the 'stealth mode' idea I saw in another forum post and focus on giving reassuring actions without revealing the intentions?