Submitted by Emma on
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Hey everyone

I have been lurking on this site reading articles/the forum for a few months or so. I was hesitant to make an account, because I'm a bit wary of posting very personal info on the internet, but I decided to just go for it, because I would love to connect with people intereste in karezza.

I am single, so I don't have any personal karezza experiences to contribute, but I very much hope to fall in love and begin a karezza practice in the future! I plan to start a holistic health blog/website then, and write about it there to introduce more people to it :)

I find it most heartwarming and encouraging how there are quite a few male karezza devotees that post here, and the way they write about it. It is so refreshing to see a more spiritual approach to sexuality in you guys, than the mainstream representation of men's desires. And to be reassured that yes men who deeply enjoy intimacy, and even value it over orgasms, really exist-wow who knew lol! In fact I visit here as a sort of therapy, anytime a man in my company uses the word 'b****es' to describe women, or a friend of a friend comes up on my facebook feed liking a rape joke, or a get groped yet asgain on a night out. Karezza knowledge is a sort of antidote/soul balm to the crazy/sick we live in, for me anyway. I think the work Marnia is doing with reaching out to porn users is phenomenal-there is such a need for it.

God bless everyone and keep karezzaing!

Welcome Lacy

My guess is that everyone here fully exhausted the possibilities in conventional sex to the point of diminishing returns, and only then began asking questions. I know that was the case for me. The mainstream assumption that more and harder sex satisfies more alas is not true. The more you overstimulate yourself/your partner, the more stimulation you may need, which eventually leaves everyone dissatisfied. Happily gentler intercourse without the goal of climax seems to increase sensitivity to pleasure - although today, most folks need a bit of time to retrain, and that can be like crossing The Void.

Interestingly, I would say that men have always made up the lion's share of people who read my book. That's probably because my husband dug up so much interesting science about orgasm and mating and helped me explain it. There's a short article about the kinds of things we found here: Why Stop Orgasm Research at Climax?

I hope you get to experiment with a sweetheart soon too! Keep us posted.

Yeah we definitely exhausted

Yeah we definitely exhausted the conventional approach. If a 100GB hard drive and a lot of free time didn't satiate and satisfy after over a decade of trying, then it never was going to. Thank goodness there is an alternative path and a growing body of research helping/supporting those willing to traverse it.


It is with great sadness I read "anytime a man in my company uses the word 'b****es' to describe women, or a friend of a friend comes up on my facebook feed liking a rape joke, or a get groped yet again on a night out". It brings tears to my eyes. This is the true and real terrorism in our country. It is deeply rooted and not adequately addressed in our culture. Those stupid people talking about Arab terrorism should sit down and count their breaths. Every 30 breaths and someone in America is sexually assaulted (every 107 seconds by
"Karezza knowledge is a sort of antidote/soul balm to the crazy/sick we live in" indeed, I too take refuge in that peace.

Karezza: Spirituality or Practicality

We have been super busy for several months now so I haven’t had time to post much of anything—I have sort of become a lurker too, so don’t feel bad about just lurking. Besides, if you are lurking you are learning.

As to your comments, many people here speak about Karezza as being “Spiritual”; I am not absolutely certain what that means. I don’t think of myself or my girlfriend as particularly spiritual. I think spiritual may mean different things to different people, so we may fit some people’s definition and not others. But we like to think of Karezza as relationship building and love enhancing. Marnia refers to “pair bonding”. The real positive thing for us is that it has cemented our relationship.

My girlfriend and I went to college as a couple from high school, as you can guess that didn’t last long. In most universities sex is a string of hookups, at best serial monogamy—if you consider a month makes it monogamy. After a few months we both figured out that sex with an embarrassingly large number of people was less satisfying than a relationship with one other person. That is not to say that sticking my rod in a bunch of different chicks was not enjoyable. The problem is it was fun, exciting and ego boosting. What it wasn’t, is everything else that I have with my girlfriend. We got back together and probably would have been OK without Karezza, millions of people in the world are. But those other people are satisfied with less than they could have. Our Karezza isn’t as absolute as many, we slip a few orgasms in when we feel like it, but we certainly are happy. Spirituality doesn’t seem to have much of a role in what I have said here.

In talking with my girlfriend, she will finish her Master’s degree in Psychology this year, we think men crave love relationships more than women. As men we can easily spread our seed for biodiversity and move on where a woman looks for a provider for her offspring. Physiologically men are not tied to the woman yet something binds them and makes them want to stay, Marnia’s pair bonding at work. So give men a chance as I suspect most are really more interested in a relationship than women would suspect—especially on this site.

So that is how Karezza works in our relationship, yours will likely be a little different but that is OK also.

Just forget about the

Just forget about the spirituality thing. It's a padding people use if their lives don't seem fulfilling enough. If you're alright with what you got, be alright with what you got. No need to sit on your ass in lotus position and look for something some beardy dude told you was important.

Reply to replies

Marnia: That's interesting that mostly men read your book I guess that would explain why a lot make it over here to the forums/blogs then. I think I will probably be single for a while yet, as I hope to do some travelling in the next few years, and it would be better to be single for that (otherwise I probably wouldn't want to go through with it,) but whenever I fall in love I trust will be the perfect timing :)

Aphrodite: Sorry I made you sad! I often go through feelings of horror and terror over the prevalence of violent objectification and sexualisation of women in Western culture and the fallout of this on our lives in society and relationships, particularly for women and teenage girls, as well as my own personal negative experiences with men. But people are starting to wake up to it, particularly the nefarious consequences of porn use, so I see reason for hope, and karezza is definitely part of that. Thanks for sharing that it means something similar to you too.

Maso: 'Lurking is learning,' very true lol, I think I've learnt quite a bit on the theory side :D. From reading this site, I realise a lot of couples practicing karezza are not interested/believers in the spiritual aspect, and it is obviously not necessary to enjoy benefits from it. I, too, appreciate the neurological/evolutionary explanations, that aspect makes a lot of sense to me. I think it makes karezza more palatable and accessible to those with a more material centred world view to be able to relate to it on the neurochemistry/scientific level. I had the thought to put about 'daily bonding behaviours' in our marriage vows, if my husband was amenable, (my crazy ideas haha.) For me personally seeing karezza as 'spiritual' comes from my worldview that human beings are all souls/spirits walking round in skin suits :D, with (temporary) separate ego identities, but at the deeper level we are all part of one all knowing, all loving consciousness/God/ energy. I believe sexual excitation is a build up of this creative, lifeforce energy within our bodies, that flows through and connects all living things and the atmosphere/cosmos. When two people engage in karezza this creative, loving energy is built up though the interaction of the male/ female polarities and transmitted to each partner, giving us an experience of divine union. There is a lot more detail I could go into it, but that is a bare bones sort of explanation of my personal worldwide and how I understand karezza to be a sacred practice, not to attempt to convert anyone to it, just sharing in the interest of explaining how I think/feel. I don't know that men crave love relationships more than women as you write, but certainly I can believe men may desire one equally to many women. I think human beings (not just women) are ultimately wired for love, connection and intimacy. What in my post makes you think I don't give men a chance lol. I am a very romantic person, no-one is allowed to be negative, cynical or bitter about the opposite sex in my presence without getting a little pep talk from me on not giving up on love haha.