I've read Cupid's Poisoned Arrow and it makes complete sense to me, and what I am experiencing in my marriage of 14 years. Thanks for this excellent book and website! I am two weeks into nofap and feeling great, with tons more energy and want to make it to 90 days. I explained to my wife the effects of orgasm on me, and she was skeptical. I've encouraged her to read the book or some of the short summaries of Karezza on this website but she has zero interest in reading anything about it.
She has assured me that she's happy in our marriage, but when I tell her I need more intimacy from her, it hurts her feelings. I thought she just had a low sex drive for the last 10 years or so, and I have harbored resentment for this, but I understand why now after reading the book. I really see Karezza as a great solution to improving intimacy with my wife.
I tried Karezza once with her three weeks ago and she was not into it, and ended up wanting to have sex the old way. She said it was boring and was worried about being wet for so long might give her toxic shock or a yeast infection. Are these valid concerns?
The last two weeks have been great, and I feel closer to her than I have in years giving her massages at night. She likes not feeling pressured with sex. I really get the vibe though that she would rather go back to the old ways, where she has obligatory sex and I take care of myself between interludes. It works for her I think. She has never liked cuddling and can easily feel smothered, which are key parts of Karezza in my understanding of it. But continuing without the actual Karezza sex part is hurtful to me, because I read how the other women on this site love the experience and wonder why my wife doesn't.
I keyed into something in the book that states Karezza only works if both partners are in love with each other, and can't help to wonder. Is that what the problem likely is?