Contentment

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Submitted by Aphrodites Chela on
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Marnia asked me about my contentment factor.
I am addicted to receiving affection. Gary Chapman in “The 5 Languages of Love“ talks about your Love Tank: How full is it? What fills it? As an addict I have narrowed it down to one thing, affection from my wife…all of my eggs in one basket, so to speak. I accept sex as a substitute. It’s easier for me to ask for sex than affection. If we have sex, orgasmic or not, I am stoned/high for 3-4 days then I start to slip into depression.
My work is to turn my back to my undisciplined mind, that mind that reruns mistakes and creates future fantasies. Knowing my heart (Marci Shimoff “Happy for No Reason”) and staying in the present moment is my task. This applies to karezza as well. I am fulfilled when I am close and naked with Izzy, holding her and keeping my heart open. It falls apart when I want a certain response from her or want to get my dick rubbed. I wish to turn away from trying to make something happen and just respond with clarity.
I am so thankful for the compassionate work Marnia is doing.
Love y’all

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Meditation

might be my salvation. It is good to practice watching my mind...that fucker is so tricky. It is good to know that what is in my head, is just that, in my head, and has very little to do with reality. In all areas, at all times it is good for me to remember mindfulness. But, I am undisciplined and easily get caught up in the drama. If I am truly present, there is no room for bullshit.
I do not practice sitting but before sleep and upon waking...about 20-30 minutes total per day.