A couple of weeks past my last depression. This is so frustrating. I know what to do. I've had success...but I keep sliding back and forgetting....and I want so much. I'm even thinking about finding someone to karezza with if she doesn't start showing up (Boy, that sure will help our marriage).
The latest "deal" is that I am not to bother her in bed prior to 9:00 AM unless she declares she is not trying to go back to sleep. That's a hell of a deal right thar....
Speaking of deals, I made one with my inner boss. Write one report before blogging here.....balance....its so easy to get lost here.
I'm doing what bonding behaviors I can muster, but she bristles at every touch or attempt to talk about it (eg: the great deal we worked out).
We've had a week with both her family and mine. That's always a challenge.
My plan is to keep up with the BB's but I'm afraid to touch her, or talk to her about my need, or ask for ANYTHING. My need is so great that it underlies and colors everything I do.
She knows and I think it wounds her (too) to say no.
I'm jealous of the love she showers on the new baby. I want that look of love.
Losing my sense of entitlement to sex with her, the idea that she owes me, that she is responsible for my feelings, moves my depression to sadness. Sadness at least has some energy to it.
We are so fragile
Much love to you all