Louise L. Hay

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I just got a beautifully illustrated copy of "You Can Heal Your Life" (1999). She makes a great case showing the harm we do ourselves by how we think and the thoughts we carry. I am inspired by her words and feel the truth of them....BUT I've got some major history blocking my full embrace of her healing claims (cure cancer, for instance). My father's father, who I never met, was a Christian Science Practitioner. He's the guy you sent the buggy for if you got sick (Reno, NV circa 1890-1920). I grew up seeing CS as a strict code of denial. My father was a loving, positive man but I developed feeling less of myself because of my anger. My grandfather died of a treatable, by western medicine, goiter on his neck. I imagine he died chanting, "God is perfect. God is within me. I am perfect. Illness is error. There is no error in God. God is perfect....."
So...I've made my list of internal "Shoulds" (I should be smarter. I should be stronger of character. I should protect me loved ones. I should not be ashamed of my past.....) and came to the conclusion (as she assures us) that I have a core belief that I am not good enough.
I really enjoyed the exercise of looking in the mirror and saying, "I love and accept you exactly as you are."
I think there is some value in this book. I gave up porn by redefining myself as a man who does not seek orgasm and it's clear to me that I can really mind fuck myself, so I'll finish the book and do some more exercises.
Much Love


I know what you mean

I love Louise, but I, too, am challenged by the idea that "positive thinking" is always the best approach. You know, there are some things in life that are just shit. Bottom line. And our pain and suffering builds character and compassion. I also think that a major step in letting go of trauma may be to allow ourselves to once and for all fully feel the pain inflicted in order to release it - instead of spending loads of time and energy trying to avoid it.

But still, I love Louise. I believe everything she says is true and possible, including the healing of cancer, but it does not come from prayer and affirmations alone. And it is certainly not pain-free. I think the most important part of the book is the core message - that we have power over our own lives and our own health - maybe not so much the path we choose to embody that message.

My great-grandmother was also a Christian Scientist, although not a Practitioner. Louise is a Religious Science Practitioner, and I think there are some differences. I went to a RS church for awhile, and really got a lot out of it. I have issues with ALL churches, but I find that RS are probably the least dogmatic, and certainly would not encourage anyone NOT to seek medical attention.

Anyways, what I found I really like about EFT (which I posted about previously), is that it really takes out that feeling that you are denying reality, that a lot of new age thought leaves me with. It says that it's okay to bring those feelings to the surface - in fact you must in order to heal them. I find that the two paths, while seemingly a bit contradictory, really go hand in hand.


for your contributions here.
I agree with you on all points.

I've gotten so far as looking at the EFT site (briefly) and I'm on Gary's newsletter list (haven't opened one yet), but I still don't really know what it is.....someday I'll get to it.

In her bio, Louise says her mother was a Christian Scientist.

Much love

I Got It!

Just finished "You Can Heal Your Life"
All the time I've been aware of Affirmations I had but a dim understanding. I knew that my resistance was important to note. I still think it's beneficial to know what Good we resist in this world. BUT it has always seemed like major denial. What Louise explained to me (that I didn't get from Sondra Ray in the 80's) and I now really got it, is this:
The past is fiction. It may be true but in the present it is nought but a memory...a fiction that I am creating in the present. Therefore, I chose to create whatever Thought I want. The important piece is that my Thought in the present, sets me up (and my wife and everything else in the universe). It's forms the condition (my readiness) for the next experience.
So, if I think my wife is unaffectionate and self-centered, that is what I see the next time we meet (Oh boy! Can't wait for that). Any analysis of her personality (or mine) will reveal those attributes as true. However, it is also true that she is generous and loving. It is my choice how I think of her...and it is my work to clear myself of negative projections.

I can't remember

if Louise mentions the power of getting into a relaxed state when "reprogramming." EFT does that one way. Other systems use meditation to do it. The Sylva Mind Control method used a mild self-hypnosis, induced by counting backward from 10 to 1 and visualizing each number in your mind. Supposedly it helps communication with the subconscious if you quiet the conscious mind first.

Anyone have thoughts on this?

I don't know exactly, but

I find that a really good time to do a little "reprogramming" is while laying in bed just before going to sleep. An almost dreamlike state opens my mind to the new ideas I'm trying to put in there.

In continuation of the discussion about affirmations, I also thought I'd share that working with positive reinforcement statements has always acted like a *first step* in whatever it is that I'm looking to change/overcome. For example, using a statement like "It is safe to be me, I accept who I am" might lead me into confronting some issue from my past that once led me to believe otherwise - perhaps, being put into situations where it was not safe to be myself as a child.

So, when using these affirmations, be open to the messages you receive in return. They might just be a road map to your next destination. Like I said, positive statements are often just the first step. Good luck!


The reprogramming part would have the affirmation as the start of a dialogue with your self. I'm not currently running the affirmations like that. Mainly I'm checking my negative thoughts as they arise and take a different tack.
Much Love

Willful intention

I am learning to spend five minutes before sleep and five minutes when I wake up visualizing that I have obtained a particular goal that is important to me. The negative thoughts that come up for all of us are not from our true selves, we weren't like this as children, and it's important to be proactive in replacing the fears and self-criticisms with thoughts that express an authentic purpose and desire for wholeness and healing.


Thanks Di and Gal...seems like 5 minutes is the message I keep getting.

Last Monday morning 4:19 AM, too early to be awake. I get up to pee and see her light is on. As I approach her door I fantasize about joining her in bed. I eagerly enter her room. No welcoming look and a large volume of Edgar Sawtelle (she says it's good) between us. I give her a quick kiss and return to my bed. The Devil enters my mind. "She doesn't love me....She's selfish....damn book is more important than me....". Affirmations only hold for seconds. I torture myself for an hour and get up and work. The day is busy but any idle moment and the battle renews. A terrible litany of her failures battles with feeble attempts of affirmation. I come home with a plan...I will ask for what I want. I am afraid she will reject my request. I hold my own through dinner and then say:
I have evil voices in my head and can't seem to manage them. I need your help. I need to be in your arms for 5 minutes.
What do they say?
Bad evil things like, "You want to buy a rental in town, a house nice enough that you would want to live in, so you can leave me"...shit like that.
We took the 5 minutes and the healing is complete and I've been good for 5 days on that 5 minutes.
BUT the next day or so, I'm happy, but not particularly interested in making a connection with her. A few thoughts on that: 1) She's smart and is going to keep some distance to keep me interested 2) I've calibrated myself to a fairly high level of need/desire and things feel a little flat without it. 3) There is a dopamine feature to my self torture. The setup is; to bring myself down, so I can feel so good coming back up. Yuck, but thanks to Marnia, your interest and help, and my efforts, this evil was only with me for a few hours. I am getting better.

I can relate

I can relate AC. "There is a dopamine feature to my self torture. The setup is; to bring myself down, so I can feel so good coming back up."

Its a vicious cycle. I think I have the same kind of thing happening with me in regards to hypochondria among other things.

I have a complaint, well not really a complaint, but maybe an observation about the world of self-help. I have been around and involved with it since I was a teenager. Nothing has helped me as far as techniques, affirmations, etc. Maybe I am at fault for not doing them correctly or persistently, but nothing has been more powerful than simply taking action and responsibility for myself. This had to happen in my life through enormous pain. I actually subtly used self-help subjects as another escape for me. Internal observation can be harmful, obsessive, and another way of by-passing the real problem. Actually, it can trick your mind into thinking that you are doing something productive and useful. In a way, you have to have a good foundation to start with before those things might be of any value. Its hard to know if you have a good foundation if you lack a foundation:) Our subjective experience and observations can seem as real as anything. Thats why crazy people are crazy. A good way to be confronted with the reality of true objective experience is social interactions with people who are healthy and striving for health. You get immediate feedback and learn the quickest all about your shortcomings and how to properly resolve them. I feel the self help situation is a relatively new thing in our culture. A hundred years ago you didnt have people worried about these things in the same way. Yes, you had religious people and freud and people observing and trying to find solutions, but in general, people were just living their lives around other people, and they were relatively fine. Do you really want to be trying to dissect these things for the rest of your life? We want to get over these things so that we can live again and be happy. Maybe if we started living, these things would fall into place with little effort or thought. Its true, Im taking the role of the skeptic with this, but I feel that if we simply calm down and approach things rationally, we are most likely to find semblance of truth. Why would we be engrained with the capability of getting ourselves into these messes without having the capacity to get out on our own? It is us that makes the decision ultimately. We need other loving people for support, but it is truly us and our own capabilities that is ultimately the power here. Is there anything that needs to be heard or learned? No, daily life provides everything especially your pain to figure this out. I am not saying these things have no value, but it might be analogous to giving a sick man food. Food is a good thing, but if you have the flu, it will contribute to your sickness. At least this has been my experience, it has worked against me. With all the self-help books Ive read, I should be the most confident person around. It seems like the opposite. We should be good to ourselves, gentle and these kinds of things, but these things come naturally. Lets not beat around the bush and be self helped for 20 years. Life begins today. People are actually living their lives with no thought about any of this, some have morals, abundance, love, etc. They might have had a decent upbringing, but its all relative. I had been obsessing over my sexual addiction for a long time, I went to visit my mom one time, when i came home I simply did not have the urge to visit any more prostitutes. Nothing magical or anything that required a large amount of effort, just the notion to intuitively feel what was needed at the time that it was needed. The best teacher for that is daily life. How do people remain miserable for their entire lives? By not paying attention to the simple things. Maybe there is a method to do that, but you are going to find the perfect one fastest by not doing anything but simply living life. I dont mean living life like whatever we do, but calming down and really living. It should be a natural thing. Take the elevator, not the stairs:)

As my husband says

our brains are set up for life in a tribe, with that constant feedback and lots of companionship. I think you're right that when those factors aren't present we feel something is wrong.

However, a lot of this site is devoted to ways to get centered by choosing activities that balance brain chemistry. Friendly interaction is a big one, but exercise, meditation, getting things done, service to others, creative work and so forth are all very beneficial. As is careful use of sexual energy (unfortunately Wink ).

When you're centered, you don't gnaw on thoughts as much. You're too busy enjoying life.